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The HAPPY CAT War

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The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Bolidor on April 9th 2013, 1:52 pm

Previously on The Young and the Catless...

[box]On Mon., Apr 8th, Alunya wrote...


To President Alphonse Simms of the Republic of Bolidor:
You are strongly urged to return the cat Rimshot, whom you have stolen, to the Alunyan Rescue Cat Services forthwith, or face very dire consequences.
>^,,^<
HRM King Guglielmo Olivotto of the Royalist Government
HRH Crown Princess Junia Olivotto of the Alunyan Royal Coalition Government
Ronronne and Liverfool (respectively), The Kingdom of Alunya
[/box]

[box]On Mon. Apr 8th, Alunya wrote...


To all interested parties:
The Kingdom of
Alunya is in the market for troop transport and/or blue water amphibious
landing vessels on a short-term charter or lease, with loss of vessels
or significant damage to the same to be covered by the lessee.
Interested parties should submit a proposal to the Ministry of Defense
in the KIngdom of Alunya specifying the terms on a three-month
charter/lease, detailing the types of vessels available, location of the
vessels, crewing requirements, and lease rates. An inspection of the
vessels by a delegation from the Ministry of Defense will be required
prior to a lease being agreed upon.
>^,,^<
Lady Giada Quattrocchi
Minister of Defence
Liverfool, The Kingdom of Alunya
[/box]

[box]On Mon. Apr 8th, Alunya wrote...


The Kingdom of Alunya is urging all nations of
the International Western Union to impose economic sanctions upon the
Republic of Bolidor.
On Monday, April 8th, it was discovered that
operatives of the secret police of the Republic of Bolidor broke into
and entered the premises of the Alunyan Rescue Cat Services store and
stole the cat named Rimshot. Subsequently we have learned that the cat
is now being held in the Presidential Palace of the Republic of Bolidor.
While
the Kingdom of Alunya is pursuing other means to recover the cat, we
would find it most helpful if our fellow nations would cease trade with
the Republic of Bolidor until such time as the matter is resolved to the
Kingdom's satisfaction.
Thank you.
>^,,^<
HRM King Guglielmo Olivotto of the Royalist Government
HRH Crown Princess Junia Olivotto of the Alunyan Royal Coalition Government
Ronronne and Liverfool (respectively), The Kingdom of Alunya
[/box]

[box]On Mon. Apr 8th, Herodas wrote...


To: HRH Crown Princess Junia Olivotto of the
Alunyan Royal Coalition Government and HRM King Guglielmo Olivotto of
the Royalist Government
From: Panagis Maximos, President
Dear Princess, dear King,
In the name of the Federal Government, the Parliament and the Federal
Council I have to ask, if the diplomats of this little country can do
anything to resolve the matter peacefully.
If this is not possible, the Bouleuomai authorized Field Marshal Sanja
Salta to assemble an army, a fleet and an air force in order to help our
dear friends in their time of need. We will of course stand to our
friends in this evil and vile act of robbery, which puts a great shame
on our supposed friends in Bolidor, but we would still be very grateful,
if all sides could come to a diplomatic agreement.
Sincerely,
President Panagis Maximos
Dictated to Miss Cecilia Kalogeropoulou, Head-Secretary of the President
[/box]

[box]On Mon. Apr 8th, Aardenland wrote...


Griffith Dunning was sitting at his desk, waiting for a phone call, when he got one.
But he wasn't expecting THIS ONE.
"Hullo?"
"Mr. Dunning! There's a regional dispute between Alunya and Bolidor! They're considering war!"
"Jesus Christ, not now!
"Yes now! The Bolidoran Secret Police have an Alunyan hostage in their Presidential Palace!"
"Good lord... well, tell me more! Who's been taken?"
"A cat, sir."
"..."
"Sir?"
"...a cat?"
"Yes, sir. An orange and white tabby cat named 'Rimshot'."
*groan* I'll call Mr. Wolovitch.
*click*
*beep-beep-boop-beep-boop-boop-beep-boop*
*...*
"This is the Foreign Affairs Minister's Office, how may I help you?"
"Sally, it's Griff. Get me Wolovitch."
"'Kay, Griff."
"..."
"Wolovitch speaking."
"Mr. Wolovitch, this is Dunning."
"Dunning, what's going on? Why've you called me?"
"The Bolidorans have kidnapped an Alunyan citizen. He's being held in the presidential palace."
"What?! We have to do something! Alunya is one of our closest allies in the region!"
"There's one thing sir."
"What's that, Dunning?"
"The hostage is a cat."
"..."
"Mr. Wolovitch?"
"..."
"He hung up."
"I know."
"You should too, Sally."
"Okay. Later, Griff!"
"Alright, now to get down to business..."
"...In
response to the incident, the Foreign Affairs Ministry has held all
Bolidorans seeking to adopt pets from Aardenland in short-term custody
to be searched, and have closed pet shops for the day as a precaution.
The Ministry is also considering sending fruit baskets to IWU nations
except Bolidor, as an vague, indirect condemnation. That's the news for
the day; good night."
[/box]

[box]On Mon., Apr 8th, Gallup wrote...


"What? You bother me for a cat?"
"It's a big deal to them, Mr. President"
"I
think it's stupid. We've stolen thousands of their cats and they never
noticed! Now, go call them up and tell them they can kiss my..."
"I get the picture. JIM! GET ALUNYA ON LINE ONE!"
[/box]

[box]On. Mon., Apr 8th, Gallup wrote...

"Okay Jim, write this down and relay the message:
"We couldn't care less about your cat incident. Please do not bother
us again with such silly matters. As cat's are inferior to humans we
will countries to trade with both nations.
Godspeed
Jaylord Duke, Gallup Press Secretary"
[/box]

[box]On Mon. Apr 8th, Veceria wrote...

Official message from the Royal Stratocracy of Veceria, regarding the catnapping -
"Please, fellow members of the IWU. Stop that nonsense. To the nation of
Bolidor: Be nice, give back the cat. To the nation of Alunya: Calm
down, breath in, breath out, eat catnip.
And please - Stop making me laugh. I'm going to get a heart attack. Which would result in war."
- END OF THE MESSAGE -[/box]

[box]On Mon. Apr 8th, Rocopurr wrote...


To HRM King Guglielmo Olivotto of the Royalist Government
HRH Crown Princess Junia Olivotto of the Alunyan Royal Coalition Government
Ronronne and Liverfool (respectively), The Kingdom of Alunya
I can't imagine what it'd be like to experience that. If one of my precious rabbits were kidnapped I'd be a hot mess.
You have Rocopurr's support and we shall refuse to trade with those deranged banana lovers in the mean time.
President Nica Elston
Glacera, Rocopurr
[/box]

[box]On. Mon., Apr 8th, Skeldistan wrote...

:SNEAK CAT PUNT:[/box]

[box]On Mon., Apr 8th, Fenburg wrote...


To HRM King Guglielmo Olivotto and HRH Crown Princess Junia Olivotto of The Kingdom of Alunya,
What is this I hear about you and the leaders of Gallup and Bolidor? I was under the impression that I
was your nemesis. What has changed? Have you been seeing other nemesees
behind my back? Has the hatred that existed betwixt us been quenched by
some outside force, a tsunami named Gregory perhaps?
Sincerly,
the sultan known only as Acre
[/box]

[box]On Mon. Apr 8th, Fenburg wrote...

@Skeldistan: Is that a reference to the cat kicking game of yore?[/box]

[box]On Mon., Apr 8th, Iloistan wrote...


The Grand Ilo has pledged full military support
to the Republic of Bolidor if a fight againts the Kingdom of Alunya
occurs and will also provide any bananas that may be needed.
-Bananas!!!!!!
[/box]

[box]On Mon., Apr 8th, Neo-Assyrian Empire wrote...

We, the people of the Holy Neo-Assyrian Empire, will back Alunya with
full military force if Bolidor and Alunya go to war ~ President Patrick
Reilark[/box]

[box]On Mon., Apr 8th, GROSS Independency wrote...

Though we are rather amused by the inferior source of this conflict,
GROSS Independency will defend Alunya, but only in the event of an
attack by Bolidor, which we believe, by Bolidor's good nature, will not
happen. GROSS Independency forces will make no move until any such
occasion.[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Fenburg wrote...


Because of old "hatreds", and because the teams need to be evened out, I will stand with Bolidor.
Also, CARDINALS WIN! CARDINALS WIN! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE!
[/box]

[box]On Tues, Apr 9th, USNavi wrote...


The United States of Usnavi would like to
announce their neutrality in such conflict as trade to both countries
are important and as we wish to continue through a somewhat economically
prosperous time. Although as a precautionary measure all felines are
required to have a member of the Usnavi National Guard accompany them at
all times and be required to check in every half hour until this crisis
is resolved; which all of us hope is a peaceful resolution.
-Usnavi Defense Minister Nigel Farlough
[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Iloistan wrote...

The Grand Ilo has just severed all banana exportation to the
"Dictatorship" of Alunya and it's "puppets" until the nation repeals all
accusations against the Republic of Bolidor. The Iloistan National
Draft has also just been implemented, effectively raising Iloistan's
national army to 10 million. The draft may be increased in the event
that conflict occurs. All Marker missles are also currently on standby.[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, SPEAR wrote...

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[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Pharthan wrote...

Pharthan will make a response when I can get to my iPad.[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, SPEAR wrote...

Pharthan SPEAR Commander Percius made the following press release:
"In light of the recent events of one feline citizen of Alyuna, possibly
being kidnapped by The nation of Bolidor, SPEAR will be mounting an
investigation of these allegations. Until a conclusion can be made, we
will be dispatching the First and Second Carrier Strike Groups outside
of each nations waters to prevent incursion against them. We sincerely
hope this does not escalate to the point of loss of life."[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Herodas wrote...


(This is sent live from the Presidential Palace in Krekopia, FR Herodas, on all TV and radio channels.
We see a wall with high windows, the curtains are opened and give a
splendid view of the Garden of the People, in the distance the
Bouleuomai and the Federal Council. In the garden and on the great
street in front of the former palace we see many protesters with banners
saying things like "Stand with SPEAR" and "Stop this feline madness!".
In front of the windows stands an older man, flanked on his left side by
a young woman with red hair and blue eyes, some freckles in her face
and the insignias of a Colonel and the Presidential Guard Regiment on
her uniform. The right side is held by a woman, which looks exactly like
the one opposite to her, but older and without the freckles, as well as
the insignia of a Field Marshal and the baton made of steel and copper
on her belt.
The old man begins to speak with a tired voice, speaking of a night full of work:)
"My dear Ladies and Gentlemen of Herodas, dear friends around the world.
Yesterday evening, the Federal Republic announced the unrestricted
support of our friends in the Kingdom of Alunya against a vile and
shameless act off robbery and... catnapping by the Secret Police
operatives of the Republic of Bolidor. Caught up in the moment, we made a
mistake and assured to send young and good men and women into a war
against Bolidor if things come to the worst.
Nearly instantly, people from all around Herodas began to protest
against this and forced the Government, the Council and the Bouleuomai
to reconsider. We spent entire last night in negotiations between all
branches.
We came to a conclusion: Of course, the vile act of robbery and
catnapping will be condemned, but the reaction of our dear friends in
Alunya is a... tad excessive. With this, I notify HRH Crown Princess
Junia Olivotto of the Alunyan Royal Coalition Government and HRM King
Guglielmo Olivotto of the Royalist Government of a changed position
concerning this crisis.
The Federal Republic of Herodas will work together with SPEAR in order
to prevent any conflict. Our diplomats will aid in finding a solution
all parties can agree on. The Standing Command for Field Marshal Salta
on my right side is still to assemble an army, a navy and an air force,
but this time in order to aid SPEAR with their objective of keeping
peace in this beautiful reagion. We also authorized General Glaukos to
cooperate with the staffs of SPEAR in any way possible.
Of course, our hope is still a peaceful solution and our diplomats are
still being there to mediate, but we will not stand on Alunya's side in a
conflict.
On a personal note, the last night made me very proud
to be a citiziens and the president of this country. I thank you, gals
and pals.
That's all, no questions."
(The man leaves, both women in tow. Black screen, cut back to the studios.)
[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Pharthan wrote...


"... mean to tell me we're spending this much
money over a cat? Yes I understand it's being made a international
incident but... Yes, support SPEARs blockade or defensive fleet or
whatever their calling it, but tell their leaders they need to be more
careful about doing things that are costing our taxpayer dollars-
Praeceptor Tanter cut his speech as he realized he was being filmed "Who
let them in?" He asked someone offscreen, immediately promoting a hand
fro yet another offscreen guard to cover the lens and the sound became
muffled but still legible.
"Sorry, sir, they were told to wait in the back until you were ready.
They check out and their equipment is legit, we made sure of it, but
they jumped the gun on us when we weren't looking."
"Very we'll. Your job is safe for now but you and your friends are
definitely going to face reprocuss... Are you idiots still recording?
You have no respect for privacy!"
"The people have a right to know what goes on in this office and-"
"Only if it doesn't incite panic, death, and loss of taxpayer dollars
due to your blatant attempts at fear mongering without though of
consequence you morons, now turn that off!"
In a later press
conference, Praeceptor Ryan Tanter, still at his desk, addressed whoever
might be listening. "People of Pharthan and the International Western
Union," he started, "With the current goings on in Bolidor and Alyuna,
we would like to remain as neutral as possible for the time being. We
are routing those ships who are underway to support the SPEAR Task
Forces, and only those ships, to ensure we are not wasting any of your
taxpayer dollars over a cat. Bear in mind that while this thing, seeming
so trivial, warrants a response - better to spend money over a cat than
lives. We have been placed in a predicament without the ability to have
stopped it, and we will be considering requesting reparations from both
parties for their actions. Thank you for your understanding and
confidence in our leadership."
After the conference, and to his
inner sanctum, Tanter commenced with what he hoped would be his final
meeting of the day. "Now, with one approval, we require only one more to
initiate our plan. Hopefully it goes on without a hitch. If anyone gets
hurt, I will personally make an apology. If anyone gets killed,
the perpetrator is probably never seeing the light of day again. Make
sure we have a few open cells in any of dour Maximum Security Prisons
for that."
[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Bolidor wrote...

"My fellow Bolidoreans!"
"You have no doubt heard that I, El Presidente, have recently acquired a wondrfully happy cat named Rimshot. He is a great cat and brings your Presidente, and thus you, great joy."
"And
you have heard that there is a rogue nation, the despicable Kingdom of
Alunya, that threatens our great nation with war unless they may have Rimshot to themselves."
"We will not let this happen."
"Now some may say that war over a cat is crazy. This is not so."
"It was not crazy when the Ashanti fought after the British governor sat upon their Golden Stool."
"It was not crazy when they fought after Heke Hone cut down the British flag on Maiki Hill."
"It
was not crazy when El Salvador took the battle to Honduras after the
second round North American qualifier in the 1870 FIFA World Cup."
"It
was not crazy when Margaret Thatcher sent troops thousands of
kilometers to retake outlying sheep ranches on the remote Falkland
Islands."
"The honor and future happiness of Bolidor is at stake.
We have our cat, and possession being nine-tenths of the law, we intend
to keep him."
"So, my fellow Bolidoreans, steel yourselves, make strong your heart and your will. Bolidor shall not be overcome!"
(Televised address by El Presidente Alphonse Simms to the Bolidorean people.)
[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Veceria wrote...

The screen turned black again, the letters disappearing. This has to
be a joke, Fenris thought to himself. The Grand Archon shook his head.
"This won't end well. Why can't those humans be reasonable for once?" Syrina
Cross, the only other person in the small 'communications room' sighed
and shrugged. She was quite irritated, assuming that the leaders of
Bolidor were intelligent enough to solve this without provoking a war.
"Should I send a message to them, or the IWU in general?" Fenris shook his head again. "No. Let us wait for the reaction of others first. Especially from Alunya."[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Vizindolf wrote...


Official Statement from President Alexander Titov:
International Western Union Members,
I
have read up on the growing conflict between Alunya and Bolidor. It
bring me great pain to see our region once again on the brink of war.
Unfortunately though, we must prepare for the worst. I wish to announce
that, in the event of a war, the Republic of Vizindolf will join with
whoever is attacked first. However, in the mean time, we will work
tirelessly to promote the peace process. That said, I wish to invite
representatives from Alunya, Bolidor, and their respective allies to a
peace conference that will be held in Nilintev Castle, located in the
mountains of northern Vizindolf. I truly hope to see everyone there,
working for peace. Thank you all for your time.
Alexander Titov, President
The Republic of Vizindolf
[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Gallup wrote...


"I just had a great idea!"
"What is it?"
"Everybody is focusing on Rimshot. And our shelters are running out of cats."
"So?"
"Let's steal some cats form Alunya. They will be too preoccupied to notice!"
"Genius! I'll tell the GBI immediately! How many?"
"200"
[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Pharthan wrote...


If the leader of Pharthan was known for one
thing, it was being blunt, terse, and speaking his mind. "We have this
to say in response to the so-called President Simms: if you incite war
over this, you'll lose."
As the press release was being announced,
a singular flight of twelve Pharthanian fighters was launched from a
carrier some 100 miles from Bolidor, and began to close upon the nation,
never reaching their airspace. Meanwhile, a two dozen onlookers who claimed Bolidor as their home cheered the Presidente in his speech in a public showing.
[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Gallup wrote...


"How's it going?" asked Ganimals Shelter Co. owner Dan Fither
"We've stolen 20 of them so far." said Gallup Defense Secretary and major Ganimals shareholder Fredrick Gunbay.
"Are they in the shelters?"
"Of course."
"Where are the others?"
"Were highjacking a train full of them in six minutes"
"Good. This can't be better! Does the President know?"
"No, and it's better he didn't."
"Good. Let's make some money!"
[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Iloistan wrote...

The Grand Ilo has just ordered the Armed Navel Defense Forces to send
the 3rd, 6th, and 8th fleets to Bolidorean waters and the 1st, 4th, and
5th fleets to patrol International waters around Parthan in response to
Pharthan's tiny display of air superiority. F-25 Raptor's are now
patrolling Bolidorean borders to ward off futher threats.[/box]

[box]On Tues., Apr 9th, Gallup wrote...


MEANWHILE AT THE GBI HQ
"Now that all our
agents are out investigating tips we made up we can continue with Phase
2. Now, where are the stolen cats?" said Defense Secretary Fredrick.
"What cats?"
"The ones I told you to steal!"
"I thought you said Bats!" said his assistant, opening a cage of Bats.
"WHAT!"
"I got Bats, sir."
"Where?"
"At the Pet Store. You told me to get a good deal."
"I SAID STEAL, NOT DEAL!"
"Sorry sir. Maybe we could hold something else hostage..."
"NO! Sheesh, you know, I let you help me stage a coup d'etat and you botch up! Sit in the corner!"
"But sir..."
"SIT IN THE CORNER!"
"Yes sir..."
[/box]
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Response to Vizindolf's Peace Confrence

Post by Guest on April 9th 2013, 6:22 pm

Grand Ilo Altman has announced that he shall attend the peace conference at Nilintev Castle.

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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Guest on April 9th 2013, 9:07 pm

Ilo"i"stan Naval Force's were not phased by the apparent show of force by Pharthan's Navy, knowing all two well that conflict would quickly drain all resources that would be required to upkeep the ridiculously sized Pharthanian Navy of 1000+ ships. The ANFD has confirmed that it has routed an unknown number of Nuclear capable Mako Class Submarines to support the 1st, 4th, and 5th fleets. In addition, each Iloistan super aircraft carrier in the 1st, 4th, and 5th fleets were delivered a marker in a containment pod. All ships in the fleets were equipped with short range signal blockers to protect personal from the marker's maddening signal if the containment pods were opened. Finally 3 advanced missile defense systems were delivered to the Bolidorean border along with several new SAM Installations in response to increased Pharthanian air activity.
This post follows Pharthan's post of thinking i was cute. Very Happy

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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Usnavi on April 9th 2013, 9:26 pm

Defense Minister Nigel Farlough of The United States of Usnavi would like to express interest in joining the peace conference at Nilintev Castle as a neutral third party moderator to help facilitate delegations.

-Defense Minister's Secretary Amy Kell
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Guest on April 9th 2013, 9:48 pm

Grand Ilo Altman has just released this statement via press conference: "These are troubled times we live in my fellow Iloistanians and regional listeners. Our world is plagued with radicals and malcontents, such as the Kingdom of Alyuna, who would impose harsh economic sanctions because of one stolen cat. Even worse are those that would flock to support this radical nation. And then there is the aggressor Pharthan, who has unfortunately decided threaten the fledgling nation of Bolidor. Fortunately their are some this age who still pursue peace, such as the great Republic of Vizindolf, and others, such as our great Federation, who would protect Bolidor's sovereignty with our military might. On a further note, I would like to address the Pharthanian government that if any Pharthanian forces are found within 200 kilometers of our shores, they will destroyed. We also have the proposal that we will leave the international waters that are close to your borders, if you terminate all patrols in Bolidorean area. Your move, and choose wisely. And with that my fellow Iloistanian's and my regional audience, Live long and prosper.

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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Pharthan on April 10th 2013, 5:02 am

"These guys are serious."
"I hope not. Now even Iloistan has Cat-Scratch-Fever. 200 kilometers?"
"Yes sir."
"200 kilometers is absolutely ridiculous. Send them a reminder that twelve nautical miles, or twenty-two kilometers, is the standard international waters limit. And get our subs out of that 200 kilometer radius. It's silly but we'll follow it."
"And if they destroy our subs before they vacate?"
"I'm half-inclined to let them. If you find a Legacy you deserve a medal... but on the other hand, it'd obviously be an act of war. If they don't allow us to vacate international waters before they strike, we've been giving them too much credit on intellect. Let's hope they're as smart as we think they are and let us."

Meanwhile, the two fleets surrounding the Iloistanian fleets near Pharthan waters left a wide opening both forward and aft of their own position, widely allowing them to change their minds. Meanwhile, they began to send out active-sonar pings like nobody's business. Along with their sonar-nets along the bottom surrounding their waters, it wouldn't be long before they found every sub nearby.

At a following press conference; "I will be personally attending the peace conference in Vizindolf," Praeceptor Tanter started, "To see an end to this ridiculousness. I find it silly how much money is being spent over a cat, and how much of our time is being wasted, but what has happened, has happened. We can't dwell on the past."

The men staking out the Presidential Palace in Bolidor began to formulate a plan.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Bolidor on April 10th 2013, 12:16 pm

The proud and sovereign Banana Republic of Bolidor will be sending El Presidente's personal cook, Gunther Feldmarck, to the proposed peace conference at Nilintev Castle in the northern mountains of Vizindolf. As a cook, Mr. Feldmarck is not authorized to negotiate on behalf of the Republic of Bolidor but may listen to, and communicate, any proposals to the Government.

Our Chief of the Secret Poice, Roberto Strausmman, has distributed ammunition to the Army of the Republic of Bolidor. El Presidente and his cat Rimshot have been secreted away to a secure location; both El Presidente and Rimshot have donned disguises so that they may not accidentally be shot by the Bolidorean Army (or anyone else). An actor has been brought in to the Presidential Palace to assume the role of El Presidente (temporarily, though if he is a real good actor, he might get the part permanently, or at least for the rest of his life). We would have gotten an actor cat too, but no cat is as happy as Rimshot, so the Presidential Palace is catless for the moment.

Many of the Army troops have been moved to banana and plantain plantations along the coasts, to thwart any attack from the sea. Where others might have ghillie suits, the troops are well-disguised in their native environment with their banana bushman suits.

El Presidente has authorized the Republic's banana boats to deliver 40 tons of bananas to the heads of state of each government that has rallied to the aid of the Republic of Bolidor. The first banana bonanza left the docks this morning, enroute to deliver refrigerated 40-foot containers of Bolidor's most delectable products.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Herodas on April 10th 2013, 12:30 pm

Heptapyrgion, Naval Admiral Staff, Near Krekopia
"Alright, pals, listen up!", yelled Admiral Stylianos Votsis in the grand staff planning hall. The heads of fifty Federal Navy Staff Members turned to him in the center of the room, where he stoofd with a Despatch Rider with the markings of the PGR on her personal protective equipment for motorcyclists. None of the staffmembers was to assume what hardships the young woman in brass-coloured leather had to endure in order to deliver the message, which their Admiral and Chief held up.
"We just got word from Mister Demertzis..." The Foreign Ministry was, together with the Ministry for Defence, in the focus of media in Herodas and all around the region. In this current crisis, the attention was extraordinary, so that the already so called "Happy Cat War" was a large burden on the shoulders of every soldier, but especially the guys in the staffs. "...he told us, that we should retreat our ships from a 200 miles radius from Bolidor, because our dear and good friends in the Federation of Iloistan want it like that. Pharthan already responded and drew back under protest."
The Staff Members couldn't believe their ears - 200 bloody miles?!
Even the largest naval forces only claimed sixteen kilometres from their shores as theirs, all therest were international waters and free for all! And one of the largest naval forces in the world, Pharthan, with over one hundred supercarriers and a whole lot of ships to support them, listened to these illegal claims!
"But that's not all, my dear sailors, because they underestimated our president, our government and our most dear Sanja!" The staff soldiers prepared to cheer like madmen as their Admiral looked around and saw in the faces of each and every one of the soldiers under his command, representing his beloved Navy. "By the orders of Field Marshal Salta, we are to withdraw our ships out of the range of any Bolidrian gun, but to remain as near as possible to the country, especially if that means to stay within the twohundred-mile-zone. The 3rd Naval Squadron is to join them as soon as possible, 8th Naval Squadron is to remain on stand-by, 1st and 2nd Submarine Squadron will go waiting position as silent as possible, mobilize all Naval Divisions, which aren't under SPEAR-command! Highest Alert for all forces! We will show those little landlubbers not to mess with the Federal Navy!"
They cheered, everybody did - they didn't want to be seen as weaklings, not in this crisis, where the world needed a strong Herodas to secure the peace in the region. The Federal Republic needed to stand strong and mighty with it's allies in order to achieve this noble goal.
As it died down, one of the officers, a Captain from the Logistic Department, asked: "Sir, what about FNS Mikri Arktos and FNS Tauros?" Indeed, that was a good question - those two were civilian-military ships, where scientists of the Universities of Krekopia and Milet researched the seas, skies and lands all around the globe peacefully. They were unarmed and defenseless, even against a rubber duck!
"Ask them to raise white flags and to withdraw into the next neutral harbour, no matter what they are doing!", the Admiral answered. "Tell them, that if they can't find a white flag, a sleeveless shirt will do, too!"
Some men laughed.

FNS Kataphraktos, one hour later
The call from the Heptapyrgion interrupted the crew of the Sfikon-class Helicopter carrier in their preparations for a "Day with the Kids", when children were introduced to how the Federal Armed Forces worked. Within fifteen minutes, the deck was prepared for anything that might come.
Together with her three escorting frigates and the replenishment ship, the carrier left Kroton Harbour, forward unto dawn and into an unsure future - who knew, what might come? Maybe it was a war, fought after the region stood with each other in a disaster.
But maybe not. There was still a slight spark of hope for peace.


Last edited by Herodas on April 10th 2013, 1:18 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Auntie Edith says: "Look at the formatting before posting, you donkey!" - I answer: "Yes, Auntie!")
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Alunya Prepares For War!

Post by Guest on April 10th 2013, 3:31 pm

Alunya Prepares For War
by Francesca Saladino, War Correspondent
The IWU Sentinel

CULCATTA, THE KINGDOM OF ALUNYA -- Days after clandestine operatives of the Bolidorean Secret Police illegally broke into the Alunyan Rescue Cat Services shelter in Ronronne and catnapped a white-and-orange tabby named Rimshot, both governments of the Kingdom of Alunya have commanded the defense forces to prepare for conflict in an effort to secure the missing cat. Military leaves have been cancelled, active troops have been put on alert, and a select recall of national guardsmen with critical skills is underway.

And for the first time since Napoleon’s defeat, the Royal Alunyan Navy shall take to the sea. The museum ship Sea Lion has been taken back by the Ministry of Defense and is undergoing sea trials in the Bight of Alunya. The fifty-four gun heavy frigate last sailed under a naval commander in 1818. She will be joined by the twenty-four gun corvette Sea Tigress, which was being restored by the Culcatta Maritime Museum, to form the First Royal Alunyan Naval Squadron. Ministry of Defense spokespersons say the two vessels will sail under orders to interdict and harass shipping in Bolidorean waters but are to avoid direct battle with the Bolidorean Navy.


The restored 24-gun corvette, Sea Tigress, which was discovered decaying in the Thutend Swamp, was to have been a living museum. She will join the 54-gun frigate, Sea Lion, to form the First Royal Alunyan Naval Squadron, which last saw action during the Napoleonic Wars.


Both vessels will carry a contingent of Royal Alunyan Marines, armed with small arms and grappling hooks to seize and capture any prizes. The Marines may also be put ashore along the coast of the Republic of Bolidor with the aim of gathering intelligence and determining the location of the captive cat Rimshot.


The Royal Alunyan Marines are also responsible for ensuring the security off the vessels, both from potential mutineers and also from hostile action should any enemy be foolhardy enough to try to board the ships. While practicing their drills alongside the Sea Lion, the Marines were enthusiastically cheered by onlooking crowds.



Royal Alunyan Marines shore-side practice the necessary skills with their pikes to repel boarders.

Questioned about the antiquity of the Royal Alunyan Navy’s ships, Defense Minister Lady Giada Quattrocchi explained, “You go to war with the navy you have -- not the navy you might want or wish to have at a later time.” She added that the Ministry of Defense was looking into the possibility of leasing troop ships or amphibious assault vessels. The Navy was also considering the purchase of four nuclear attack submarines with armaments and personnel training in an effort to modernize the force, but that this would not occur in time to meet the Kingdom’s immediate needs.

A proposed expenditure of some fifteen billion ($NS) is being considered for four (4) Halcyon-class Block II SSN-A nuclear attack submarines. The purchase would include modern torpedoes, anti-ship missiles, land attack cruise missiles, and anti-submarine and anti-ship mines. A long-standing white paper has called for hospital ships, modern frigates, coastal patrol submarines, fast attack missile craft, minelayers, and minehunters but little action has been taken to modernize the navy until just recently. Blue water nuclear attack submarines are not among the items in the white paper, but Quattrocchi declined to answer why they are now under consideration.


The Sea Lion practices target firing in the Bight of Alunya. She will set sail soon with thirty twenty-four pound long guns on her gun deck and twenty-four carronades on the spar deck with orders to interdict Bolidorean shipping.

As a short-term measure, the Ministry of Defense has now taken in hand several tuna trawlers and is retrofitting them to serve as shallow water mine layers. Extra care is being to taken in adding additional fuel tanks below the water line, possibly with an eye towards the vessels being deployed in Bolidorean waters. Asked if the ministry was going to inform the international community of the intent to mine Bolidorean waters, as required by international law, Quattrocchi replied, “We have no plans to inform the international community of the mining of Bolidorean waters at this time.”

Crowds lining the shores in Culcatta enthusiastically cheered the sailors aboard the Sea Lion lying at anchor as they practiced target firing with the ship’s heavy guns. The 24-pounders have a maximum effective range of 1000 meters and under a well-trained crew can fire once every three minutes. After several volleys over the course of three hours, a round managed to hit the stationary derelict fishing trawler serving as a target some 500 meters abeam, denting the rusted steel plating.

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Bolidorean Entrepreneur to Counter Alunyan Mine Threat

Post by Bolidor on April 10th 2013, 5:21 pm

Man Counters Mine Threat
by Victor Rodriguez, War Correspondent
The Musa Musings

MUSA, THE REPUBLIC OF BOLIDOR -- A Bolidorean man claims to have the solution to the Kingdom of Alunya's implicit threat to mine the waters off the coast of Bolidor. His solution -- mine fishing.

Jorge Inglesias, 24, says that an inexpensive flotilla of mine fishers can clear Bolidorean waters of the latest military threats to navigation. All it takes is a few hundred of his low-cost mine fishing "vessels," dozens of folks who wouldn't mind catching a fish or two in the meantime, and a .22 caliber rifle and a cooler of beer for those who volunteer.

"The boat's are real cheap and easy to make," said Inglesias. "All's I's needs is some insulation-like foam, a deck chair, duct tape, a battery, a power drill, a cement mixing thingamajig and a plastic desk fan. And my gun, rod and a cooler of beer."


Jorge Inglesias explains how his new mine fisher would save the Bolidorean Army millions of pesos.

Inglesias adds that flotation vests are not required. "Look, you can't gets toos far from shore with this here motorcycle battery. So you ought to be able to swim back if the thing craps out. And close to shore is where all the fish are anyway. There ain't nothing quite like fish barbecued inside banana leaves, unless of course you use banana peels instead. What was I's saying?"

Bolidorean army troops standing on the shore were highly impressed. Most seemed in awe that Inglesias actually had a loaded rifle, as most of the troops have been issued unloaded weapons for safety's sake.

But not all the Bolidorean brass were impressed. "We've had a similar plan for years," explained Colonel Pablo Mendoza. "Except that our anti-mine platforms are well camouflaged, and hold a crew of two, and don't have a beer cooler. We do have cup holders, of course, because we wouldn't want the troops to get dehydrated, but beer and guns should never mix. Heck, even guns and bullets are a dangerous combination."


The long-proposed, and never acquired, Bolidorean Army naval mine fisher.

Mendoza explained that even though the Republic of Bolidor does not yet have a navy, the Army is more than capable of taking the battle to sea if necessary. "For one thing, some of our troops along the shores now do have bullets and can potentially shoot something up to a mile at sea. As an example, one of our troops shot down a sea gull, mistaking it for a Pharthanian fighter aircraft."

The Army has also directed the captains of Bolidorean Banana Company (BBC) reefer ships to stop smoking that stuff, and pay attention to what is going on around them. "These civilian captains need to be alert to the possibility of either turning and running from enemy vessels, or if it is the Alunyan navy they are facing, turning into them and running them down," Mendoza explained.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Guest on April 10th 2013, 7:11 pm

To His Excellency, President Alexander Titov of the Republic of Vizindolf, greetings!

To demonstrate our resolve to secure the return of the cat Rimshot to his rightful home at the Alunyan Rescue Cat Services shelter by all means necessary, His Royal Majesty King Guglielmo Olivotto of the Royalist Government, and Her Royal Highness Crown Princess Junia Olivotto, shall personally attend the aforementioned peace conference at Nilintev Castle in the mountains of northern Vizindolf. Our retinue shall contain numerous assistants, and of course we shall remain in communication with our Minister of Defense, Lady Giada Quattrocchi, as she prepares our forces to resolve this matter by other means if a peaceful resolution to our satisfaction cannot or will not be met.

>^,,^<
HRM King Guglielmo Olivotto of the Royalist Government
HRH Crown Princess Junia Olivotto of the Alunyan Royal Coalition Government
Ronronne and Liverfool (respectively), The Kingdom of Alunya

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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Iloistan on April 11th 2013, 1:09 am

*Meanwhile aboard the USG-Chimera, Fortress Class Suppercarrier and commanding vessel of 3rd Fleet, located off the coast of the nation of Bolidor. Lord of Admirals James Varen on comm link to Grand Ilo Micheal Altman.*

Altman:*In the process of eating a banana.*Dammit Jim, what is it?
Varen: Sir we have two major update's on the Bolidorean Crisis. First, the Herodians have misinterpreted your earlier statement about the 200 kilometer danger zone around our shores.
Altman: The Herodians?*An adviser nearby points out the country on the regional map.*Ah yes the Herodians, what didn't they find clear about my warning to the Pharthian Navy?
Varen: Well first they thought it was directed at them and second they thought it was a border for Bolidor.
Altman: Uggggghhhh..... Well I'll contact their government after this meeting and straighten that out, I guess. Oh wasn't their a second problem you were going to tell me about.
Varen: The Pharthians haven't responded to our solution to deescalate the current crisis and are still sending patrols to Bolidorean border.
Altman: Well.....Shit
Varen: Sir might I ask the current status of our fleets and Makos near their international borders?
Altman: Well unfortunately they have further escalated the crisis and have surrounded our fleets with their supposedly might navy, but we shall hold our position as retreat would only show cowardice. Besides, our ships have markers so I'm not worried about an imminent attack. As for the Makos, I've ordered them out of the area as a sign of good faith in hopes that they may yet accept our offer. Is that all Jim.
Varen: Yes. May the sovereignty of Iloistan live forever.
Altman: Live long and prosper Jim.
*End of comm link.*
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Herodas on April 11th 2013, 3:35 pm

(This article was released on April 11th, 2013 in the Apollon, a yellow press 'newspaper' from Milet, on the front page. The Apollon is known to be extremely left winged, always calling out for the Freedom of Press.
This special edition was handed over to President Panagis Maximos with notes by his Head-Secretary, Miss Cecilia Kalogeropoulou. Said notes are posted in Braces “{}”.)




Embarrassing mistake in the Foreign Ministry!
Yesterday, April 10th, 2013, the Heptapyrgion announced, that they would not retreat from the international waters of near the Republic of Bolidor, after the Federation of Iloistan announced a 200-mile-exclusion-zone against all international law and custom. Instead of retreating the ships, Admiral Votsis ordered the Submarine Fleet and the 3rd Naval Squadron to the presumed exclusion zone near Bolidor.
Why presumed, the dear reader might ask – with full right and might!
After several inquires by international media, Field Marshal Sanja Salta, well known due to her being the “Mother to all her soldiers”, relayed everything to the Foreign Minister, who reread the statements by the Grand Ilo Altman, aloud and concluded the public reading in front of media, public and parliament with silence, turning red and stating: “[Censored for younger readers], what the bloody [Censored] do we do now?!”
{He actually said: “Yes, I know, read properly before you take action... anybody any idea of how to resolve this without making complete fools out of ourselves?”}
Nearly instantly, masses of protestors rallied in front of the parliament began with demanding the Foreign Minister and Vice-President Georgios Demertzis from the Green Party to be removed from his office. Some even claimed it to be time for a national Red Revolution to overthrow the corrupt and capitalistic-right-winged government led by President Maximos and his military dictatorship. {Sir, do I really need to tell you how dumb that single sentence is...?}
While Demertzis already offered his resignation to the Chancello chances are high, that Zahariadis will pull the wagon of his old schoolfriend through, claiming, that everybody makes mistakes. But this one was too great!
The Grand Ilo wanted the Pharthanian Navy to leave the 200-mile-exclusion-zone around his own shores!
The actions of Admiral Votsis, Field Marshal Salta and Foreign Minister and Vice-President Georgios Demertzis were directed against Bolidor, whose “president” is provoking a war over a cat called Rimshot! Our government let out empty proclamations, which don't sound like the peace they are claiming to protect together with SPEAR and is warmongering all around the region!
{I hope I will have my job after this, but for once, the Apollon is right – we are not the one with the most peaceful course of action.}
This is a disgrace, even for this corrupt and capitalistic military dictatorship, which doesn't allow the Workers and Peasants to frolic freely and not under their corrupt and capitalistic lash, which is held by the hands of soldiers!
The CPH already called fornew and free elections now, for leaving SPEAR and for retreating all Naval Forces back to Herodas in order to scrap them!
And while are at it – Workers of the World, unite!




(This Article was published in the Krekopian General Newspaper on April 11th, 2013. The KNG is known for being rather neutral. This headline was on the cover.)
Herodan Forces not retreating from Bolidor
After a rather embarrassing mistake by Foreign Minister and Vice-President Georgios Demertzis, Field Marshal Salta announced, that the Herodan Federal Navy will not retreat from their position near Bolidorian waters, on the contrary. “While I and my Girls and Boys still want peace, we have sighted a dangerous new vessel of the Bolidoian Navy, which they claim to be a Mine Hunter. As long as there is no solution to the... 'Happy Cat War', we will not let our guard down.”
In the meantime, protestors in Krekopia demand Demertzis' head and a retreat, which the Chancellor denied by proclaiming it to be a “[...] bankruptcy of our national reputation! We want to be more then a bunch of Duckspeakers, so e have to show presence in the Region!”
President Maximos ordered a gift basket to be send to the Grand Ilo Altman in order to apologize for the any loss of working hours “due to laughing about this stupid mistake – but, hey, we are all fallible, in a some weeks or so we all will meet and laugh about all of us nearly beginning a war because of a cat!”
Admiral Votsis gave no comment except “Sorry, but we have to prepare our ships for a possible battle against the mighty Royal Alunyan Navy – ask Lieutenant General Zervas!” The combative vessels the Admiral referred to are the 54-gun frigate Sea Lion and the 24-gun corvette Sea Tigress, once mighty ships during the wars against Napoleon, nearly two hundred years ago.
The Chief of the Federal Navy is known for having a different sense of humor.
By the popular opinion, a war against Bolidor and it's allies is not desirable, although the people are split in half about that: One half says to leave “the nutjobs and their cats alone” (these are the words of a citizen in the streets of Smyrna), the other wants Herodas to stay as a buffer and to promote a peaceful solution like the President claimed several days ago.
The 3rd Naval Squadron is still on the way to join the ships near Bolidor in order to add her ASW-potential to the already assembled fleet under SPEAR-command. The Chief of the Federal Staff for Public Affairs, Lieutenant General Sophia Zervas, claimed it to be a precaution in case of an escalation, as well as a good chance for a little excursion for the Navy.
General Glaukos, head of the SPEAR-contingent, denied any statement because of his work with Pharthanian Generals, “[...] who think my politicians are as stupid as Bicopa!” He later stated, that some are, but not all.

Look at page 2 for further information, page 4 for reactions from Iloistan, Bolidor, Alunya and Pharthan, page 5 for a list of items in the gift basket!


Last edited by Herodas on April 11th 2013, 3:41 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Making it better to read, Auntie Edith!)
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Iloistan on April 11th 2013, 7:00 pm

*Meanwhile, aboard the USG-Shenlong, Fortress Class Supercarrier and commanding vessel of the 1st Fleet, located in international waters near the nation of Pharthan and currently surround by the megalithic Pharthanian Navy. The crew had just received their share of the 40 ton banana gift from the Bolidorean government and had high moral when it was rumored their Lord of Admirals David Adamen would soon be addressing them. And then speakers clicked to life.........*
Adamen: All crew, we have just received orders to vacate our position immediately and return to Icthancar Peninsula. It has been discovered that our special "cargo" is far more dangerous than we initially perceived so our "Grand" Ilo has ordered that we return at once to ensure that no incidents occur. Prepare to set sail and may our great nations sovereignty live forever.
*The sounds of disappointment echo throughout the ship and Adamen began to consider entering into retirement after this crisis was over as he was becoming increasingly disgruntled with Altman's agenda. He had been against involvement in this damn war and had also been against the deployment of the markers. He also personally hated Altman, who in their last comm link had stopped everything so he could inspect his newly received gift basket from the Herodian Government.*
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Veceria on April 12th 2013, 10:16 am

[Location: Aeryn, Northern Veceria, Gray Citadel; Time: 14:00 Vecerian time]

Once again, Fenris walked up and down in his designated communications room, confused and angry due to the current events in 'his' region. The room was well-lit, as the sun sent its rays through the huge window on the eastern side. It seemed like a quite nice day, but once again, an international crisis destroyed this illusion. "It's like dealing with kids ... okay, no, sorry, my kids never acted that silly." The Grand Archon shook his head and sighed. "Don't call me a misanthrope, but sometimes I believe humans want to act like that." His adjutant, a female Vecerian named Syrina Cross, giggled and sighed as well. "I guess we just had too many bad experiences with a minority of those human nations, Sir. It's not like everyone acts like that, just look at Ganosia, or Lyras! They're nice examples of friendly human nations." Fenris sighed again. "They're our allies, or at least friends. Of course they are nice."
He continued to walk to the room, till he reached the massive wooden desk with dozens of large displays and other things on the western side. "Guess I should write the nation of Bolidor, as well as our ... 'allies' a message. Or several messages. Oh, and Syrina -", the female looked up from her computer and smiled at her superior, "Hmm? Yes?" "- call Julie, she should ready at least ten of our Royal Army divisions, four naval and two aerial." Cross nodded and quickly picked up the phone right next to her, dialing the number of Veceria's Intelligence and Logistics department. In the meantime, David Fenris started to write the first message, to the (Banana?) Republic of Bolidor and its allies.


To Bolidor and its allies:

To: The Republic of Bolidor
CC: Any allies supporting Bolidor in this conflict
From: The Royal Stratocracy of Veceria


Greetings, President Alphonse Simms, or whoever may get this message in the nation known as Bolidor.
We've heard that you ... catnapped a cat from one of our allies, the Kingdom of Alunya. Even though we had hoped that you show some respect and diplomatic intuition, it seems like you've chosen the ... let's call it "hard way". To make it a bit easier for you to decide whether you should continue like this or not, we hereby give you an ultimatum.
You have a full week (7 days, 168 standard hours) to return the cat and end this conflict peacefully. If not, we have to send a blockade force that will disrupt any and all trade with your nation, be it peacefully or with violent means. It's your decision - peace or poverty. I guess you know our military strength already, and I hope you know that we rarely joke about things like that. You might think that this is a bit harsh, using such means just because someone 'stole' a cat. Well, first a cat, then a kid, and finally another nation's president. You've shown us that you're an unstable nation, so we just think that it's better to try to stabilize you now instead of waiting till you threaten everyone with nukes or similar toys.

Yours,
David Fenris
King and Grand Archon of Veceria
To Alunya and its allies, as well as neutral forces:

To: Anyone not on Bolidor's side.
From: The Royal Stratocracy of Veceria


Greetings, fellow (reasonable) regional members.
As your intelligence services may tell you in a few minutes/hours/days (depending on how fast they are), we just sent an ultimatum to the nation known as Bolidor. Please do not think that this is a rushed decision or anything. We're just annoyed that a conflict breaks out over such a minor 'mistake', like ... stealing a little cat (no offense to the Kingdom of Alunya, we love cats as well). If any of you think that we should extend the time till the ultimatum, feel free to send us a message. We will, of course, send a delegate to the peace conference, even though we doubt that such a conference will be very effective when dealing with an unstable nation like Bolidor. Attached to this message, you will find the ultimatum given to the nation of Bolidor.

Yours,
David Fenris
King and Grand Archon of Veceria

Attachment:
Ultimatum.txt:
You have a full week (7 days, 168 standard hours) to return the cat and end this conflict peacefully. If not, we have to send a blockade force that will disrupt any and all trade with your nation, be it peacefully or with violent means.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Pharthan on April 12th 2013, 11:30 am

"Sir, the Iloistan fleet is breaking course back out to sea." The CDC aboard the Prince of Tyre messaged up to the Bridge, where the CO was thinking carefully about whether or not to place the ship into General Quarters.
"Let them through." The CO replied.
"Uh, sir, this just came through from the Kilroy." A printed out message was handed to the CO, who took it smoothly and held it up so that he could read it. "What's this package?" He didn't actually expect a response. The BM2 gave one, though he didn't pay attention to what he said. Admiral Adams merely thought to the intercepted message from the Legacy-class submarine, who had been listening in via their SONAR. Carriers didn't exactly have the best sound isolation - since it was rather pointless, and they'd picked up what had been passed over their 1MC. "What could be so important to move an entire Iloistan strike group out of a mission they are so vehement about? Nothing small. Nothing simple. Something dangerous, according to their message." He was genuinely curious. "Tell the Kilroy and Harmony to tail them at distance. See if they can pick up comms chatter, listen in to anything be it SONAR or radio signals. Encrypted, anything, I don't care. Whatever is important enough to turn an entire fleet around during such tense times may be something to warrant a response to Iloistan, hostile or helpful." Admiral Adams sat back inhis chair. "What could it be?" He dared not send his surface vessels after them - it would be pointless and would either seem provoking or let the Iloistanians know they were onto them. But the Legacy-class submarines were as stealthy as submarines could get.
Admiral Adams handed off the message back to the BM2. "Tell the guys in OPS this needs to get to the National Command Authority. Priority."




Meanwhile, the sixteen men assigned to retrieve Rimshot from his unlawful owners sat in silent wait. One, in a corner, stroked the fur of their own feline companion. "Don't worry Rem, it's going to be alright." The Lone Wolves had scoured all of Pharthan for an identical cat to the famous Rimshot - they'd found a dozen such strays and made them look nice and proper, and out of that picked this one, which they'd managed to get to at least perk up to the name "Rim," in hopes that it would pass for Rimshot, but on such short notice they hadn't found a true replacement for The Purr That Launched A Thousand Ships, as they'd nicknamed Rimshot when they had the time to say such a long name. He was happy enough - or so they hoped - to buy them a few minutes when they made the switch.
"Phantom One!" one of the other shouted, all of a sudden grabbing what little equipment they had an stowing it in bags. "They're on the move, they're moving the cat!" Phantom One shoved the cat into their special bag with a response of a startled meow, and the zipper quickly silenced any further sounds.
"Phantom Home, Phantom One, the target is on the move. In pursuit." The sixteen men were actually spread out over a large area. Four cars they had in their possession, and over the new several minutes all were filled with four men each. "Which way did they go?"
"That way," the spotter said, and one by one as nonchalant as possible - which was quite nonchalant at that; they hadn't been trained since elementary school years for nothing - the four cars began to tail the detail that carried the cat, intermittently switching off which car was actually in site while the others swapped seating arrangements and license plates when possible, all to keep them from knowing they were being tailed.
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"A secret errand..."

Post by Bolidor on April 12th 2013, 12:56 pm

Constanza drove the battered old pick-up truck carefully down the alley behind the Presidential Palace. She was fortunate that her husband, Juan, had taken ill with the flu that seemed to come and go as he tended his chickens, as it gave her a chance to borrow the decrepit vehicle for the day. Her best friend and fellow housekeeper, Olivia, who lived in the servants' attic quarters of the old colonial palace, had asked her if she could borrow the truck for "a secret errand."

Rumors had swirled that Bolidor might soon be at war, and Constanza had been intrigued. But the "secret errand" was hardly so glorious. It was Olivia's chubby orange-and-white tabby cat, that had come down with a case of weepy-eyes, that was in need of a visit to a veterinarian. House servants weren't supposed to keep pets, of course, but with El Presidente having moved somewhere into the countryside so recently, now was a good time to sneak Olivia's "little beloved" down to the animal doctor for a check-up. Constanza secretly thought of the twelve-year old feline as "El Grosso Gato," but never mentioned the nickname in Olivia's presence; her friend doted on the old cat.

Constanza glanced in the cracked side view mirror to her left, but failed to notice anything, including a protrusion from the narrow walls lining the alley. The mirror smacked the stone work and promptly clattered to the cobblestones. Constanza drove on, not heeding its absence...
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Vecerian Ultimatum Refused

Post by Bolidor on April 12th 2013, 2:04 pm

Greetings, King and Grand Archon David Fenris of Veceria:

Personally I think you are overreaching a bit. We stole the cat because El Presidente wanted him and the lady running the Alunyan Rescue Cat Services shelter refused. It wasn't like she was going to keep the cat; she clearly intended to give it away at some point. Our Presidente deserves that cat, and both he and Rimshot are very happy with their present living arrangements. Remaining with El Presidente is clearly best for Rimshot, El Presidente and the people of Bolidor.

I maintain the stability in the Republic of Bolidor. We haven't threatened anyone with anything except the right to defend ourselves from forces that wish to disrupt our trade or invade our shores. And you have no evidence to the contrary that we have any desire to do so at all, much less acquire "nukes or similar toys."

We stole a cat and that is all. Your domino theory that this will lead us to steal children or presidents is a fallacy.

And yes, we are aware that your forces outmatch ours. We refuse your ultimatum. Rimshot shall remain with El Presidente.

Chief Roberto Straussman of the Bolidorean Secret Police
Musa, Bolidor
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Bolidor on April 12th 2013, 3:15 pm

The seven flatbed tractor-trailers and the mobile heavy-lift crane ambled and eased their way down the rutted dirt track towards the beach lining the Bahia de Cochinos. The cabs of the trucks roared and shook, black diesel smoke belching up in burps between the banana leaves. Six of the flatbeds each bore two pie-shaped flat concrete wedges, some twelve feet across at their widest, and 221/2 feet long. The seventh flatbed trailer was covered in green tarps and followed the others, trailed only by the heavy-lift crane.

Offshore the tug Mujere and a small launch rounded the point of Cayo Guano and came within sight of the man with the grizzled beard awaiting the slow progress of the trucks towards the beach. He wore the traditional Bolidorean hat, named after Panama of course, an endemic fashion statement originating from Ecuador and now manufactured in the People's Republic of China. His Hawaiian patterned shirt clashed with his starchy white Bermuda shorts and his black hose-length socks. But standing there in his sand-buried Birkenstocks, walkie-talkie in hand, he was clearly the man in charge of this expedition.

In his mind the plan was clearly formulated. It would take the rest of the day to get the concrete wedges offloaded onto the beach with their pointy prows facing the jungle inshore. The seventh trailer carried the real necessities for this project. The structural steel, the prefabricated parts and forms, and the welding rigs. The tug would have to wait off the beach, but tomorrow, in the beautifully balmy Bolidorean morning, she would be called upon to haul each wedge out into deeper water, one at a time, until the welders had assembled them into a floating base. Only then would his expertise be truly needed for the next phase of assembly.

There was talk of war and naval mines all along these coasts of course. But he let the smaller men worry about such things. His vision was grander, and perhaps for Bolidor, all the more important because of that. He was determined to see this through for the benefit of his countrymen.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by gallup on April 12th 2013, 4:15 pm

President Virgil Ark was faced with a tough choice. Should he support Alunya, whose cat was stolen, or Bolidor?

"Neither. We will support neither. RAHM!" he yelled to his secretary.

"Yes sir?"

"Send a message to every country announcing our decision to stay out of the war. Ask them to join us in not having a war."

"Shall we make a coalition?"

"Yes! A coalition of countries who will boycott the war and not pick sides! Genius! What should we call it?"

"How about R.A.H.M?"

"You are such an egomaniac. But yes, we will call it that. Now, ask every country in the IWU to join us!"

"Can do!" Rahm said, hurrying out of the room.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by gallup on April 12th 2013, 4:21 pm

Dear Fellow IWU nations:
I come before you today to ask you to join R.A.H.M. What is R.A.H.M? Simply put, it is a group, or coalition of IWU countries who are against the so-called "Happy-Cat War". We, as a group, will try hard to end the war before it begins and put trade-sanctions on those who actively support one side or the other. The IWU does not need conflict. Please join.

-President Virgil Ark
(Dictated but not read)
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Royal Llama Guards to Deploy

Post by Guest on April 12th 2013, 5:35 pm

Royal Llama Guards to Deploy
by Francesca Saladino, War Correspondent
IWU Sentinel

The Royal Llama Guards from the capitol city of Ronronne are to deploy in what likely appears to be certain conflict with the Republic of Bolidor. The famed Royal Llama Guards, more renown for their trooping of the colours during the King’s birthday at the Llama Guards Parade, will likely see combat for the first time in several decades. Ministry of Defense spokespersons were quick to point out that the Royal Llama Guards are all professional soldiers and that the llamas have undergone strenuous simulated battle conditions to acclimate them to combat.

The famed unit is a part of the Household Camelry of the House of Olivotto. They have a long and distinguished list of battle honours. Their greatest victory is their heroic stand between the Austrians and the Turks at the Battle of Caransebeş, which resulted in the flight of the Austrian Army. The victorious Royal Llama Guards then honourably withdrew from the field of battle, leaving their Turkish allies to round up any stragglers.


A unit of the Royal Llama Guards on a rare combat exercise.

Those familiar with the Royal Llama Guards know that they are not all spit-and-polish with their ornate cuirasses and tall winged camelry cackboots. Familiar with modern firearms and full of resolve, the Guards are more than capable of putting fear into an enemy. Moreover, with a keen intelligence and ability to think outside of the box, the Royal Llama Guards are quick to devise a brilliant solution in the field. Some of their officers are even more quick-witted than their beasts of burden, who often have an impish sense themselves of what may send the enemy fleeing.


A Royal Llama is a fearsome beast of burden.

Sure of foot and majestic in their bearing, the Royal Llama Guards make quite a sight on the parade grounds. But they are at their best in the rugged wilds, often trekking through the night to reach their designated objectives. “Everyone knows that the Alunyan Army uses the acronym ‘MEOW, SIR,’” explained Lance Corporal Giancarlo Rinaldo. “That stands for Mission, Environment, Opposition, Weaponry, Schedule, Indigenous and Recovery. It is how we plan and execute every task we’re assigned, on parade and in the field.”


The Royal Llama Guard on night patrol.

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Extra! Extra! Read all about It!

Post by Iloistan on April 12th 2013, 11:44 pm

Bolidorean Crisis Update: Border Security Tightens as Navy Retreats?
By Isaac Boranan, Iloistanian National Press

Rumor arose today that our nations great navy may be on full retreat. These rumors broke out after several vessels were spotted in the Jandonian Channel. These vessels have now been identified as the entire 4th Fleet and much 1st Fleet. Ships missing from the 1st Fleet were the USG-Fenlong, Commanding vessel of the Fleet, CMS-Phoenix, Destroyer Class, and the VDM-Gorgon, Frigate Class. Many have begun to speculate the whereabouts of the rest of the 1st Fleet and the entire 5th Fleet. After much commotion, Grand Ilo Altman released a message stating that the 5th Fleet was currently on route to rondevu with the Fleets in Bolidorean Waters. He declined an explanation for the apparent retreat and as for whereabouts of the rest 1st Fleet, he only commented that trouble had arisen with a few of the 1st Fleet's vessels and that measures were being taken to deal with the issue. On a possibly related note, Oceanographers have reported an abnormality in international waters between Iloistan and Pharthan and have speculated that it may have been caused by an EMP.


The USG-Manticore, Fortress Class Supercarrier and Commanding Vessel of the 4th
fleet, spotted earlier today in the Jandonian Channel


It is also being reported that the Bolidorean border is being further fortified in light of the recent ultimatum from the nation of Veceria. The International Arms Forces Division spokesman Kirk Zeno recently released the statement that eight more advanced anti-missile defense systems will be delivered to the Bolidorean border and that Iloistanian ground forces in the region will be increased exponentially. Armed Aerial Forces Division spokesman Adam Sinvan has also released a statement that AAFD has begun training nearly 1,000 Bolidoreans crop duster pilots to become F-25 Raptor pilots. They will be trained at Training Site 5, located on the Amoran Islands.


Bolidorean recruits being taught advanced combat maneuvers at the high tech training facilities.
Image courtesy of Professional Photographer Ethan Veni.


On a lighter note, Grand Ilo Micheal Altman has also announced that he shall be leaving shortly to attend the peace conference in Vizindolf. He has stated that he is hopeful that peace can achieved with this conference.

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Ocelot Strike Force is to be Deployed to Bolidorean Border

Post by Iloistan on April 13th 2013, 2:18 am

The Ocelot Strike Force will be Deployed in Response to the Royal Llama Guard
By Isaac Boranan, Iloistanian National Press

Reports were received today that the infamous Royal Llama Guard of the Kingdom of Alyuna were being prepped for deployment in the Bolidorean Crisis. In response to this development, the International Armed Forces Division announced that it will be deploying the Ocelot Strike Force within the week to the Bolidorean border. Although recently formed, the Strike Force has seen active combat in the Province of Kazara, where it were first deployed to combat the K.R.F. (Kazara Revolutionary Forces). The Strike Force was greatly successful and gained International fame when it successfully assassinated the K.R.F. Leader Aadam Chinladen.


Ocelot Strike Force member equipped with full battle gear.

The Strike Force consists of around 50 highly trained combat Ocelots. The Ocelots are approximately 2 to 5 years old and started combat training at 6 weeks old. They received their training at Training Site 11 in the Eman Jungle. They utilize advanced stealth tactics, such as tree climbing and advanced combat tactics, such as Tree Ambushes. They all also have extensive training with firearms.


Only the fiercest of trainees are received as seen with this next generation Strike Force member.

When asked to comment on how effective the Ocelot Strike Force might be in the current crisis, Project Leader Vice Admiral William Hackett replied with, "I believe that when dealing with normal ground forces they will highly effective as Bolidor is environmentally similar to our country, so they will be right at home in the Bolidorean Jungles. I am not sure, though, of how they will size up to the Royal Llama Guard as both are elite units and have never faced off before."


Member of the Ocelot Strike Force unleashing a bloodcurdling meow.

When asked to comment on what he thought of the Royal Llama Guard, Commander Echo Meowschwitz, leader of the Ocelot Strike Force, only had this response:


Echo's response to our question.
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Tragedy Befell the Nation of Iloistan

Post by Iloistan on April 13th 2013, 3:10 am

Grand Ilo Michael Altman has been Assassinated!
K.R.F. Suspected Involvement

By Isaac Boranan, Iloistanian National Press

Tragedy has befallen our nation today and during the worst of times with current crisis. Our great leader Michael Altman was assassinated today at his farewell conference before his planned departure for Vizindolf, at which he addressed the nation on his goals for the peace conference he was about to attend. More startling was the identity of his assassin, his newest advisor Sidonius Baren. Baren approached Altman's podium about halfway through his speech and proceeded to tell him that "There's something on your face." Altman replied by asking "what is it?" Baren replied by yelling, "It was Pain!!!!," and simultaneously protracted a long obsidian shard from his sleeve (somehow slipped by security?)and impaled it in Altmans right eye socket. Security forces immediately subdued Baren, who is currently being held for high treason and murder. Altman was officially declared dead 2o minutes later at the I.N.H. (Iloistan National Hospital). It has been released that Baren is currently being "interrogated" and is a suspected K.R.F. Insurgent.


Statue of our late Grand Ilo, Constructed shortly after his death and now in
place in the Hall of the Grands.


Following the Line of Succession, Vice Ilo Conner Adamas was sworn into office within the hour and immediately left for the Peace Conference in Vizindolf, not before releasing a small statement that his first act was to repeal the 200 kilometer "Danger Zone", describing it as absurd. It is rumored that two Ocelot Strike Force Members were added to his personal guard as he departed aboard King Raven 1.


Michael Altman during his famous "Sovereignty for All" speech, which gained
him public support and the Grand Iloship in 2002.


Last edited by Iloistan on April 13th 2013, 3:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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I Like Trains

Post by Pharthan on April 13th 2013, 3:36 am

(OOC: I call dibs on Bear Cavalry)

"Send our condolences to the Iloistanians. They've got a lot on their hands." The Praetor, vice in command to the Praeceptor, said. He was in command while the Praeceptor was away at the Peace Conference.
"But sir, we almost got into a shooting war."
"No, far from it. It was a show of force, nothing more. Right now they're liable to be in chaos. Send our condolences and let them know we will help if possible."
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Herodas on April 13th 2013, 7:01 am

This article was released by the KGN on April 13th, 2013 on the title page, along with a grand picture of Grand Ilo Michael Altman standing behind a rostrum.

A friend, who went
An obituary by President Panagis Maximos
My dear and fellow citizens of Herodas: Yesterday, a friend was assassinated in the most brutal fashion by a person he trusted.
I knew Grand Ilo Michael Altman not for a long time, but I respected him as an intelligent person, who deeply cared for his people, the proud citizens of Iloistan. In this time of crisis, his views and ours may have been contrary, but all he did was what he thought of being the best for his country.
I offer my deepest condolences to his family, his friends and his people, who lost a great and wise politician. In this time of crisis, which has befallen our great region, we hoped for Grand Ilo Altman being an anchor of sanity.
Vice Ilo Conner Adamas faces a grand legecy of a great man. In a time of crisis, I hope he will find the footsteps left behind not to big.
I think we should have faith in this man and in the Nilintev Castle Peace Conference, which is currently held, to find a peaceful solution.

May whichever God he believed in grant Grand Ilo Michael Altman the peace he deserves.

(Due to the death of Grand Ilo Altman all flags on governmental buildings, military installations and government owned ships, including the Navy, are at half mast, on two o'clock p.m. Krekopian time the Salute Battery of the Presidential Guard Regiment will begin to fire thrity-two shots in honour of the dead. Civilian persons are encouraged to have their flags at half mast today as well.)
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Veceria on April 13th 2013, 9:55 am


To: The Republic of Bolidor
From: The Royal Stratocracy of Veceria


No, we didn't overreact. Just read what you wrote to us: "We stole the cat because El Presidente wanted him" - that's possibly the silliest thing I've read today. Do you have that little experience with the international community? There is no "I'll steal it because I want it". Okay, maybe if you're imperialistic and don't know how to deal with other nations in a civil way. I've read the conversation between you and the Alunyans (thanks to zero encryption). You simply stole it because you couldn't wait some more days - which is, to be honest, extremely childish and not something someone would expect from a leader of a nation like yours. You illegally extracted the cat, without asking the nation it belonged too, and stealing resources, even though they're as small as a cat, is usually an act of aggression - or war.

As for stability, I think you misunderstood us. Read the paragraph above this one, and you'll see several examples of how your nation is definitely not stable. At all. Stability, on a regional or international level, means that you know how to deal with other nations without breaking rules of international autonomy and sovereignty, without sending a force into another nation. Let's put it like this - our ultimatum serves as an example to other nations, showing them what will happen if they just can't play nice and civil.

If the blockade comes into effect, we assure you that we won't attack your, or any other ships. We'll just block their path.
We simply request that you return the cat to the nation of Alunya, apologize like a gentleman/gentlewoman, and wait till they approve to send you the cat after inspecting the place the animal will live in. You could've done it that way beforehand, but well, it seems like some people have to learn about such simple rules and laws the hard way.

Yours,
David Fenris
King and Grand Archon of Veceria
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Fate of the lost ships of the 1st Fleet

Post by Iloistan on April 13th 2013, 5:08 pm

*Meanwhile aboard the MK12-Longsword, Mako Class Submarine and under the command of Captain Darhim Quatar, which was sent to discover the fate of the missing ships along with the MK-22 Solace and MK-5 Pike, after the Fenlong gave off an EMP which was attributed to it's marker shroud being opened and knocked out most of the first fleet. While the Fenlong and the two ships closest to it, the Phoenix and the Gorgon, were completely fried, most of the 1st fleet was only temporarily knocked out and had regained power within 5 minutes and were ordered to "get the hell out of there" to avoid further casualties. The Longsword, which of course had an anti-signal, had just arrived with the other subs at the last known coordinates of the Fenlong where they found it and the Phoenix, but no trace of the Gorgon. The Fenlong's bow was badly damaged, but not fatal. It was also noted that the marker signal was not detected, because as it was later reported, Lord of Admirals David Adaman and a few others had reached the shroud and had managed to close it. The Solace was recovering the crew of the Phoenix and the Pike was doing the same for the Fenlong. The USG-Leviathan and the USF-Achilles of the 2nd Fleet were also on route to to tow the two discovered vessels back to port. The MK-12 Longsword was currently tasked with finding the VDM-Gorgon and its missing crew.*

Operator 1: Sir! we've found it.
*Quatar hurries over to see the video feed. The Wreck of the Gorgon can be clearly seen on the ocean floor. It had large fatal scrap along it's side.*
Quatar: Dammit, it's as we feared gentlemen, the Gorgon caused the damage to Fenlong. Oh this bad.
First no sign of survivors and now this. It appears all hands may have been lost.
Operator 2: Sir two vessels have just appeared on our sonar,(to himself: damn they're good at stealth), were receiving a message now. They've identified themselves as the Kilroy and the Harmony, they're Pharthanian sir!
Quatar: What do they want?
Operator 2: Sir they claim to have the crew of the Gorgon!, who they say abandoned ship after the fatal collision.
Quatar: Ask them what their terms are.

*To be continued......(by Pharthan most likely)*
*It was also later discovered that it had been K.R.F. insurgents had been responsible for this accident, as they were undercover aboard the Fenlong and had gotten curious as to what it's "special cargo" was. The EMP apparently killed them because they were literally right next to it when the blast occurred and began a necromorph outbreak on the Fenlong, which ended when,already stated, Adaman closed the Marker Shroud."
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Pharthan on April 14th 2013, 9:10 am

"Sir, collision!" From aboard the Kilroy, one of the sonar techs called out to the CO. "Multiple secondaries. Iloistan fleet. Looks like the Gorgon and on of the other boats. Looks like... lifeboats. Personnel."
"We'll stick around." The CO said. Pull up under them, off by about half a nautical mile. The submarine, already tailing the fleet, barely had to make a course correction. "Of all the people to hurt themselves during this incident, I didn't expect Iloistan to be one of the..."
"Detonation!" One of the other techs, this time from the Electonic Warfare module, shouted. "Something big, multiple spectrums. All I'm getting is static, I'm not sure what, but big. Not typical, but from what I'm seeing, gotta be an explosion."
"Thanks." The Sonartech, who's headphones were temporarily pulled away from his ears to allow the explosion to pass, returned them to his ears to listen to the remainder of the explosion.
"Looks like they might need our help."
"The entire fleet looks decimated, or at least a few ships. Whatever it was, the water seems to have shielded us."
"Gotta love being a submariner."

The Harmony and Kilroy surfaced on either side of the survivors of the Gorgon as the rest of the hull of the doomed vessel slipped below the water. The Captain of the Kilroy popped open the sail hatch and withdrew a bullhorn. "You boys need a lift?"

---------------

"Sir, they want to know our terms to the release of our 'prisoners'." The senior Radioman said to the CO.
The CO of the Kilroy grabbed the mic. "Our terms? It's going to cost a lot of money to get your men back..." The CO paused for some dramatic effect before resuming his demands. "Buy the first round of drinks."
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Alunyan Armada Sets Sail!

Post by Guest on April 15th 2013, 1:18 pm

Armada Sets Sail
by Francesca Saladino, War Correspondent
IWU Sentinel

CULCATTA, THE KINGDOM OF ALUNYA -- On a foggy Monday morning, the Great Alunyan Armada set sail from Cat Bight for the shores of Bolidor. The fleet fittingly was lead by the frigate Sea Lion, the fifty-four gun flagship of the Royal Alunyan Navy. In tow was the corvette Sea Lion and a plethora of fishing vessels, some rumored to have been outfitted with extra fuel tanks and special cargoes.

Some intrepid day sailors also ventured into the Bight of Alunya with the mighty fleet, taking care not to approach too closely in the ever-thickening fog. The empty bulk carrier MV Molitev also made way for a brief while with the armada before setting course for her home port in the Republic of Vizindolf on her regularly scheduled coal run.


A sunny Sunday saw last minute loading underway in the port of Culcatta as the Great Armada, comprised mainly of fishing vessels, prepares to set sail for the shores of Bolidor.

Calls of "Ahoy there!" rang through the murk, and horns blasted, as the myriad vessels maneuvered through the fog bank enveloping the Bight. Occasional cries of "Whatcha doing?!!" punctuated by the crash and grind of steel plates indicated that not all navigation was proceeding as smoothly as had been hoped.

Aboard the corvette RANS Sea Tigress, the flagship RANS Sea Lion was spotted to starboard. The passage of the Vizindolfian bulk carrier MV Molitev between the two naval vessels cut the line of sight, and contact was lost in the increasing tendrils of fog. The armada was under strict orders of radio silence to reduce the possibility of hostile fleets honing in on its exact location. As the rendezvous point off Bolidorean waters was well known to the officers, the loss of contact was considered to be only a minor inconvenience.


The RANS Sea Lion, a fifty-four gun frigate, as last seen from the deck of the RANS Sea Tigress before the passage of the Vizindolfian bulk collier MV Molitev passed between and contact was lost.

Beyond Sparefish Head at the tip of Catta Mount, the fog further increased. Captain Laura Giacomotto, in command of the Sea Tigress commented acidly that it was as thick as her husband's skull. Watchouts in the crow's nest above reported that it was becoming ever more difficult to spot their compatriots aboard the motorized fishing fleet. Giacomotto kept to the course specified by the Admiralty up until the departure point in the hopes of avoiding a collision.

Once well into the Bight of Alunya, the Sea Tigress made a more northeasterly course. Once further north, she and the Sea Lion would take the southeasterly trade winds for Bolidorean waters lying to the west. The rest of the fleet, under power, would proceed directly towards the Republic of Bolidor.


The remainder of the Great Armada as seen from the stern of the RANS Sea Tigress in the fog that enveloped the Bight of Alunya.

Excited bystanders on shore shared rumors of the special cargoes allegedly aboard vessels of the armada. Some posited that anti-ship missiles had been secretly installed, and others that the Royal Llama Guards were stowed below decks in fish holds of various tuna boats. Still other spectators swore that they had seen naval contact mines emplaced and mine laying rails installed. One wag suggested that the fleet carried depth charges and torpedoes to sink Bolidorean submarines.

As the Sea Tigress sailed past the mouth of Purrin Sound, a launch scheduled to pick up the embedded news correspondents hove to alongside. Only a select few journalists would accompany the corvette to the Bolidorean theater. The rest of us would return to the Kingdom of Alunya and our assignment desks as the nation prepares for war.

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We are keeping Rimshot

Post by Bolidor on April 15th 2013, 4:05 pm

King and Grand Archon David Fenris of Veceria:

That is correct. We stole the cat because El Presidente wanted him. There are plenty of examples of nations actually taking what they want by simple theft. The national museums of civilized, stable nations such as France, Germany, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and the United States of America are full of items stolen from Greece, Guatemala, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, Mexico, Peru, Syria, and Turkey. Only now are a select few of these purloined items being returned in a farcical negotiation with the countries of origin that permit the thieves to retain the greater bulk of their stolen loot. Our transgression is quite minor in comparison and does not warrant the threat of blockades and/or invasion.

After all, it isn’t like we were slant-drilling into the Rumaila oil field, if you wish to press for a more recent example of one country stealing the resources of another. And that turned out with the thief being awarded war reparations and the very territory they had been stealing from in the first place. As an added bonus, the transgressor in that situation even got their largest ally to go in again some ten years later and topple the government of the country they stole from. We aren’t nearly that ruthless or cutthroat. Instead we were quite open and transparent about our objectives and methods.

Rimshot is happy with El President and vice versa. We’re not going to have some crazy cat lady tell us, on her own whim, whether El Presidente may or may not have Rimshot. As far as we’re concerned, this particular matter is closed.

I will remind you that large merchant vessels are not nearly as maneuverable as ships of war. While our officers will make every attempt to avoid a collision within their vessels’ capabilities, if you impede their navigation in an untimely manner in international waters, we shall consider it an act of war. And if you impede their navigation at all within our territorial waters, we shall consider that an act of war.

If you attempt a blockade of our shores and impede our trade, then you are waging an economic war. In that case we fully reserve our right to defend our vessels and our trade by any means necessary.

Chief Roberto Straussman of the Bolidorean Secret Police
Musa, Bolidor
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The Base completed...

Post by Bolidor on April 15th 2013, 4:59 pm

The man in the Panama hat was satisfied, the welds and pins were in place, and all twelve wedges of the concrete pad had been joined. The floating concrete platform bobbed lazily in the swell of the Bahia de Cochinos on the southern coast of Bolidor. It had taken all weekend, but the first phase of the project had been completed on time and under budget.

The tug languished just off the beach, the heavy lift crane tenuously reaching out towards it, a tarpaulin-shrouded pallet slung underneath its hook. They had had to wait for a high tide to load the old wooden work boat, as only then could it come close enough to the shore. The cost of the crane rental, while exorbitant, was still much cheaper than building a dock. He had factored its expense into the outlay for the entire project as a result.

Tomorrow, he mused, they would have all the supplies offloaded upon the floating base. In the meantime, there was plenty of room to walk about on the forty-five foot diameter platform. He and his small crew would rest easy in their tents tonight, lulled to sleep by the waves but kept awake and dreaming by the plethora of stars in the very dark Bolidorean sky.

Some of the crewmen aboard the tug had jabbered excitedly about llamas and ocelots, assassinations, mines and blockades. The man with the Panama hat was more focused, more concerned with the future of his beloved Bolidor. He would see this project through, for her, his beloved country, come what may...
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Herodas on April 16th 2013, 6:18 am

FNS Mystikotita, off the Coast of Bolidor
To an unsuspecting eye, FNS Mystikotita looked like a normal freighter, maybe thirty years old and painted in a dull colour. On the deck were several containers, full of nothing but stuff some people would murder for.
On the hull was a number, which said, that the ship was actually named Argo and driving under Herodan flag. But she wasn't a freighter at all.
Actually, she was a spy ship, equipped with enough high tech equipment for spying out foreign countries and deploying squads of the Regiment for Special Operations without any major problems but the justification.
The mission was currently to keep an eye on the Bolidorians and their bananas. Captain Florina couln't care less about the "Happy Cat War", she just thought that the now famous Rimshot was a poor little kitten involved in the grand politics.
Were she or her crew worried, that it would become a war?
Sure they were, like everybody else. But they knew one thing: On the day it started and on the day it ended, they would be there, masket as a civilian ship and therefore more or less untouchable. When they came home after all was said and done, the crew would have a shore leave, that even the heroes of the old would envy!
But for now, they had something to watch.
Most men onboard would have preferred if it was the same thing they watched during training, namely the Naturism Beach (Female Section) near Thapsos, but that wan't it. Several days ago, their crown' nest saw the Bolidoreans building something near the shore, some sort of platform. They saw a man with a Panama Hat, but didn't get a good photo to identify him.
Mainly, they didn't know, what was happening, so they threw their anchor some dozens of kilometres from the spot and recorded everything, streamed it to the Heptapyrgion, Department for Naval Intelligence and waited.
Just now, they were looking at it again. The helmsman said, what everybody thought: "What in the name of everything that's holy or unholy and everything in between is this thing?"
"Don't know.", the Captain answered. "But we will keep watch."
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Veceria on April 17th 2013, 9:00 am


To: The Republic of Bolidor
From: The Royal Stratocracy of Veceria


France, Germany, the United Kingdom of Britain? Rumaila? We haven't heard of those countries before, but if they really did all that, they aren't civilized or stable either, on a international level. Acting like that is more than just childish. Mature, intelligent and lawful people wouldn't steal things just because they need or want it. They would use diplomacy.
Your actions do warrant a blockade or even attack, as we can't trust you that this will stay at a single violation of etiquette and international law. Maybe you have children - just think what happens if you allow them to do what they want, all the time, never showing them the consequences of their actions. Chaos will follow, usually.

We know that Rimshot is happy with your leader. But he would be as happy now if you had waited just a few more days or weeks. And calling some other nation's representative "crazy cat lady" just confirms your lack of diplomatic maturity.

You also seem to misunderstand how an 'act of war' works. We won't block your vessel's path inside your own territory. Getting into your territory would be foolish and an act of war in itself. But international waters? If your vessel rams our own, it's actually an act of war from your side. Not ours. Even if we 'seem' to block their path. And we wish you good luck at justifying your definitions of 'acts of war', as you already committed such an act yourself, by stealing resources from another country. But did we declare war because of that? No. Instead, we try to be reasonable and talk to you, trying to make you understand that you did something wrong. Stop being childish, and we will stop to treat you like a child.

Yours,
David Fenris
King and Grand Archon of Veceria
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May we stop and ask for directions?

Post by Guest on April 17th 2013, 1:40 pm

Captain Bruno Faganschuni was not pleased. Ever since the MV Molitev had come between his command, the flagship RANS Sea Lion, and the smaller corvette, the RANS Sea Tigress, in the heavy fog in the Bight of Alunya, they had lost all contact with the great armada. Even worse, his navigator seemed unable to take a good star sight when the murk had briefly cleared, and he was now unsure of the Sea Lion's position. He hoped they were approaching the coast of Bolidor, but it had been a very long time since anyone in the Royal Alunyan Navy had actually made passage to anywhere.

"Ahoy!" came the cry from the crow's nest on the main mast. "Vessel approaching, two points on the starboard bow!"

Faganschuni raised his spyglass to his eye and concentrated in the swells to a point slightly to starboard of the bowsprit. It took a moment, but then there it was, a brief flash on the horizon that disappeared behind the next swell. "Fetch the Aldis lamp," he commanded.

A signal woman appeared beside him. "Ready for message," the sailor answered.

The captain replied, "Send message. 'Vessel approaching, turn to port.'" He waited as the signal woman slowly sent the Morse code dashes and dots to the distant vessel. The young lady, message delivered, lowered the lamp and scanned the spot on the horizon for a reply. After several minutes, it came.

"He sends, 'You turn to starboard.'" she translated for the captain.

Already in a foul mood, Faganschuni had little tolerance for an inept merchant ship. "Then send this," he barked, "Vessel approaching, this is the Royal Alunyan Navy frigate Sea Lion. Stop. You turn to port at once. Stop. Acknowledge."

As instructed, the young signal woman raised her lamp and again, methodically, sent the message with dots-and-dashes. She had just lowered her lamp when the distant light flashed back at her.

"He sends, 'This is the lighthouse. You turn to starboard,''" she translated. A stunned silence fell upon those on the deck of the frigate.

"Helmsman, hard to starboard," ordered the captain.

"Hard a-starboard, Captain," responded the helmsman, while the sail master let loose a string of orders to put the Sea Lion in proper trim for her new heading.

The captain turned to the officer of the deck. "I'm going to my cabin now. Have the navigator meet me there, and let's see if we can figure out where the hell we are."

"Aye captain."

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A special cargo

Post by Bolidor on April 17th 2013, 6:16 pm

The man in the Panama hat looked tired, his hands on his hips, glancing sideways as one of the welders applied another bead to a tube of 4360 steel. He and the two welders had consulted the diagrams and determined the best way to lay up the supporting structure so as to reduce residual stresses. They, in turn, had pointed out where the pipe bends had already increased those stresses, and thus how that changed the order of placing the welds. He trusted them with the task at hand, but ultimately knew the project was his responsibility. It was an exhaustive and exhausting process, and he was tired.

The watch frequency of 156.800 MHz came alive. “Tranquility Base, Tranquility Base, Tranquility Base, this is Mujere.”

The man in the Panama hat turned his back to the welders, reached down to his belt, grabbed the walkie-talkie, and brought it up to his face.

Mujere, this is Tranquility Base, go ahead.”

Tranquility Base, go to channel sixty-eight, please acknowledge.”

Tranquility Base, switching to channel sixty-eight.”

Tranquility Base on sixty-eight, go ahead, Mujere.”

“Si, Jefe. We’re rounding Cayo Guano now. Your special cargo is on board.”

“Excellente! Thank you so very much. What is your ETA?”

“We’ll be there in forty-five. And we’re going to need help. The mother is heavy as all-get-out. So if you’ve got some extra guys on shore that can get out there, that would be great. Otherwise, it’s you guys, us guys, and this little boom aboard the Mujere. I don’t think you want this at the bottom of the bay.”

The man on the platform turned out to face Cayo Guano and the sea, peering out for the tugboat. He had a pepper gray goatee and wire-frame sunglasses beneath the shade of his Panama hat. His white Bermuda shorts bore the black and silver streaks of welding slag and powdered metallic dust. His offensively bright flowered Hawaiian shirt had been discarded and replaced with a pale blue shirt, the caduceus prominent in white thread on the left breast pocket. His right hand, gripping the radio, bore the purple tattoo of a spider.

“No, Ricardo, I certainly don’t want my special cargo at the bottom of the sea. I will get the extra men from the beach to help us. Anything else?”

“Yes, Jefe. It might be nothing, but we spotted two cargo ships at anchor well outside the bay. One is the Argo, flying the Herodan flag. The other is further west, the MV Molitev flying the Vizindolfian flag.”

“So?”

“Oh, I thought it unusual. It is hard to make much money when your ship is anchor -- I should know; Mujere has been idle for far too long. And they are both light.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like empty. They are both riding high in the water, though the Argo looks like she’s being doing so for years, if you look at the paint below her plimsoll line. You wouldn’t be taking on foreign cargoes I know nothing about, would you, Jefe?”

The man in the Panama hat laughed. “No, Ricardo, the only special cargoes I take are Bolidorean ones. You, of all people, know that!"

“Si, Jefe. We’ll see you in forty-five. Mujere returning to sixteen.”

Tranquility Base to sixteen.”

The man in the Panama hat could be seen barking at someone on the platform. The man nodded, then grabbed an orange flag and, facing the beach, held it above his head and waved vigorously. On the beach, another man ran to the launch, hopped in, grabbed the yellow flag and waved in response. Others on the beach soon converged on the launch.

The man in the Panama hat took off his sunglasses and stared out at sea. Two cargo ships lying at anchor off the Bahia de Cochinos was very unusual indeed. He hoped it was not an ill omen. It never occurred to him that in the sunlight his face was fully exposed to those aboard the vessels, should they have a superb telephoto lens to bridge the distance.
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GROSS Independency Aids Alunya

Post by GROSS Independency on April 17th 2013, 8:57 pm

*In the office of the newly-elected third Augustus of GROSS Independency, John Burvelous...*

*Rrring rring!*

"Burvelous."

"Hello John. It's Bill."

"Oh, hey, Bill. How's the war department for you?"

"Splendid. Listen, we need to decide on how to respond to the war between Alunya and Bolidor. Nunaat left office before the war actually started."

"Oh, yes, that war. How did that even start?"

"Someone from Bolidor stole an Alunyan cat and refuses to return it."

"...what's the world coming to, Bill?"

"I haven't a clue. I feel the same way. Anyhow, we've got to make a decision. Will it be Alunya, Bolidor, or neutral?"

"Well, I DO think that war is a little too much over a cat, and Alunya may be overreacting. But then again, Alunya's culture is pretty heavy on cats, so Bolidor may not be respecting them much.. and in the face of such a potentially large conflict, it would be ignorant to remain neutral."

"What will it be, sir?"

"...alright. We'll help Alunya. After all, it is their cat."

"Excellent, sir. What should we do first?"

"Give me the low-down, Bill."

"Well, Bolidor is gathering up its resources with less of a clear course of action, Iloistan is supporting Bolidor and has prepared its 'Ocelot Strike Force...'"

"Ocelots."

"Yes, sir. Lastly, Veceria seems to be diplomatically supporting Alunya, but hasn't entered the war, and Alunya has prepared its Royal Llama Guard and sent its royal Armada to the Bolidorian coastline."

"Okay. First, send a quick message to Bernard Triton for me and ask him if he's willing to step back into the service for a little bit longer."

"Done, sir."

"Alright. I want you to order all active fleets to prepare for deployment. I want fleets 10, 13, and 17 to head for Alunya's coast. Tell them I want every single ship active 24/7; their radar is to remain active and under manual operation at all times, and I want information for every known Alunyan ship sent on board of every one of our vessels. Tell the fleet commanders of 10, 13 and 17 to halt every single non-Alunyan vessel coming towards that coast. Nobody is to land on the Alunyan coast without being cleared. Lastly, I want at least one aircraft from every carrier in the air at all times. Tell the pilots on board to watch any incoming aircraft as closely as possible. We'll have weekly loads of fresh supplies in."

"Anything else, sir?"

"Yes. All other active fleets are to meet up with the Alunyan Armada."

"Triton replied, sir. He'll do it."

"Good. Send Triton to join up with the Armada. Tell him that when Alunya fires, he fires."

"Very good, sir. Is that all?"

"One last thing. I want 20,000 Triarius Guards sent to Alunya. They are to aid the Royal Llama Guards in their patrolling, and I want at least 500 to be sent to guard the King and Princess of Alunya. Tell them that they are to follow any orders given to them by the King and Princess with utmost haste. I also want 50,000 imperial police to aid the Llama Guards in their patrolling, and they too are to follow whatever orders are given to them by the King and Princess. Also, activate the reserve fleets to fill in for the active fleets here at home."

"Alright, sir. So, in essence, I am to send three fleets to the Alunyan coast, the rest with Admiral Triton to meet up with the Alunyan Armada,
and 20,000 Triarii and 50,000 imperial police to Alunya."

"Precisely. That's it, Bill. Thank you."

"Of course, sir."

*Burvelous hangs up*
"Oookay. Now to dial up Alunya and make sure all this is okay with them."

*dials Alunya and awaits response*

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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Kialga on April 17th 2013, 10:43 pm

Valen Citta, Kiagla--

Standing in the Defense Office, Sgt. Oswald Thorstein glared at the map of the International Western Union. President Sjögren expected Kialga to remain neutral until the last moment, which was not the way Thorstein played. He slammed a fist into the table and his branch generals looked up at him.

"I am not standing by until this gets out of hand. Each of you are to prepare your branches and await orders."

General Malpass, head of the Kialgan Air Force, the strongest branch in Kialga, nodded. "The Air Force will be prepared. I'll keep at force of twenty set up here in Valen ready to take off at all times."

The respective generals from the Navy and Army nodded in agreement. "That is what I want to hear. I want a small force ready from each of you all at all times. I will contact Sjögren personally and get this all approved.
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STATE OF WAR DECLARED

Post by Guest on April 17th 2013, 10:57 pm

To All Nations of the International Western Union:

A STATE OF WAR between the Kingdom of Alunya and the Republic of Bolidoar has been jointly declared by the two governments of the Kingdom of Alunya, effective at noon UTC on Thurs., April 18th, 2013.

An exclusionary war zone has been declared extending 200 nautical miles from the coasts of the Republic of Bolidor. Any vessels or aircraft within this zone may be sunk, fired upon, or boarded by vessels under the command of the Royal Alunyan Navy without notice.

This message also serves as the required international warning concerning the emplacement of naval mines. The territorial waters of the Republic of Bolidor are to be considered as active naval mine warfare zones in accordance with international law, effective at noon UTC on Thurs., April 18, 2013.

Issued jointly by the Royalist Government and the Alunyan Royal Coaltion Government of the Kingdom of Alunya.

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The Crisis Escalates even further.......

Post by Iloistan on April 18th 2013, 3:18 am

*Office Iloistan Naval Affairs. Grand Lord of Admirals Hayden Dekara on comm link to all fleet Lord of Admirals.*

Dekara: All fleet admirals, I have just been notified that all Fleets are to be on Tier 5 Alert, This it gentlemen and women, we are officially in a state of war with Alyuna.
Adaman: Pardon me but DAMMIT! How could it come to this over a simple cat!
Dekara: It seems that diplomacy at the conference has failed. Varen, Hanis(6th fleet), Makan(8th fleet)! I have recieved authorization that operation "Ground Hog" is to be put into effect and you have full clearance to begin digging spider holes along the Bolidorean coast
Varen, Hanis, Makan: It will be done.
Dekara: Adaman, operation "Tropic Thunder" has also been cleared. You are to proceed to Icthancar and to receive the prototype.
Adaman: The F-86 Normandy......
Dekara: Yes, you have your orders.
Adaman: It will be done.
Dekara: I will also be contacting Submarine Lord of Captains Alex Merket that operation "end game", is to readied.
Adaman: Oh man, shit really must have hit the fan if were preparing end game.
Dekara: That it is all gentlemen and women. May our nations sovereignty live forever.
All Lord of Admirals: Live long and prosper Grand Lord of Admirals.

*End of comm link."
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Herodas on April 18th 2013, 7:10 am

Heptapyrgion, near Krekopia
Votsis stared on the paper in his hands.
Alunya declared war on Bolidor. The room he was in was silent. They knew, that the courier
didn't bring a bottle of wine, they knew, that things went horribly wrong.
Finally, the old Admiral found the strength to stand up (he didn't remember to sit down, but
that was another thing) and addressed his men with a loud voice: “The Governments of Alunya declared a state of war against Bolidor.”

Milet Air Force Station, Milet

The sirens blared loudly, the Sungirl had ordered them to do so.
Normally, General Bardivilias would smile, that was what got her the nickname, but the current situation didn't allow it: They started a war because of a stolen cat.
The nutjobs in Alunya started a war because of a bloody stolen cat!
One would assume, that the Alunyas were the only stupid ones, but Simms and the Bolidoreans weren't that much better, on the contrary. Instead of apologizing, they provoked each and everyone in the IWU, send their chef to a peace conference and might wonder now, why the chef wasn't a suitable diplomat.
The Chief of the Federal Air Force didn't even like cats, she had a big, massive dog, named
Athenia, which laid at her side. One should be a dog..., she thought, as she watched her men and women run to their fighters and bombers, making them combat ready.
Herodas didn't hold the initiative.
And it was bad.

Army Mobile Command Center, somewhere in the mountains of Illion
When he heard the news, General Leonidas Velouchiotis cursed like he was a sailor.
He wasn't one. He was the Chief of the Federal Army and he was on a maneuver, watching the
mountain infantry doing their stuff.
Now he had a different thing to worry about.
His troops were set in motion several days ago, the reservists came and became soldiers. He
didn't like war, war meant work, war meant the possibility of dying.
But not all hope was lost.
Maybe someone had a solution up the sleeve, just waiting to make the entrance as the big
hero and for his place in the history books.
Until he or she came the General had another thing to do: Ready his forces.
It would be a long day.

Bouleuomai, Krekopia
In a side room of the Great Chamber, two persons were assembled.
One wore the traditional brass muscle armor of the Presidential Guard Regiment – she was
Colonel Philomena Salta. The strapless and quite fitting brass piece was accompanied by plated boots, a helmet with a fin which looked like the fin of a dragon and bracers. It dated back thousands of years, a tradition revived by the 5th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Hetairas during the War against the King. This particular suit was worn by her great-grandmother Colonel Alexandra Salta, who charged against the King himself.
The 1st Hetairas were the foundation of the Guard Company, which became the 1st Battalion, PGR and the 3rd Battalion, PGR, while the 2nd and 4th Battalion were once the 11th Infantry Regiment, 7th Illion Grenadiers. The 5th Battalion was once a battery of the 1st Artillery Regiment.
Males wore the full suit, completely and heavy as it was, the helmet was decorated with a black hackle.
All of them were armed in the same fashion: A heavy lance, the Sarissa, a sword, the Kopis, and a heavy shield, the Aspis, as well as a submachine gun, the FA-11.
The shield was bulletproof.
Reason behind the PGR being around the Bouleuomai was, that the National Assembly, the Ekklesia, came together, as well as many of the people and of the International press.
The Ekklesia wasn't called every day.
Currently, President Maximos announced the course of action the government intended to follow, which was essentially to wait for SPEAR's reaction. The Foreign Ministry didn't want to make any more mistakes.
He readied the assembled people for the speech of the second person in the room: Field Marshal Sanja Salta.
She was clad in the blue dress with the full insignias of a Field Marshal, including the staff. Her daughter fixed the tie, put her hands on the shoulders. Her great-grandmother, who fought for freedom wearing the very same armor she wore... what would she do?
Asking her was out of option, she died while giving birth to her grandfather, and she didn't like to guess. The daughter only knew what she had to do: She kissed her mother on both cheeks and looked her in the eyes.
“Go and get them, Mom.”, she whispered, tears in her eyes.
Her mother hugged her, not hindered by the heavy armour or the shield strapped on her back. “Will do.”, she whispered back. “Just keep your eyes opened.”

FNS Mystikotita, off the shores of Bolidor

They heard the news, and they didn't liked them.
They saw the face of the man with the Panama hat and didn't liked it.
They got new orders and didn't liked them.
It seemed, the day was full of thing they didn't liked. Captain Florina was in a corresponding mood. She requested to remain where they were, the Bolidoreans were up to something and she didn't wanted to miss it.
Admiral Votsis relayed the decision to Salta – and she allowed it.
Finally something good on this rotten day..., she thought and looked on her screen again. Nothing new with the Bolidorean thing, they were currently picking up and relaying the radio communication, which of course was encrypted. We seriously need new paint.


Last edited by Herodas on April 18th 2013, 7:15 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Note: I hate the system when copying a text out of OpenOffice...)
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Korea City-Kildecat Shelled!

Post by Guest on April 18th 2013, 12:01 pm

Korea City-Kildecat Shelled!
by Francesca Saladino, War Correspondent
IWU Sentinel

CULCATTA, THE KINGDOM OF ALUNYA -- Reports from the other side of the Katz Paja Mas peninsula indicate the the twin cities of Korea City-Kildecat on Purrin Sound have been shelled by the Bolidorean Navy. Mobile shore batteries of the Royal Alunyan Coastal Defense Forces, a branch of the Army, responded with a withering barrage of howitzers and cannons. The enemy fleet appears to have been repulsed, and authorities are now assessing the damage.

Initial indications are that no one was harmed. Structural damage appears to be limited to the steeple of St. Polycarp Roman Catholic parish in Kildecat. The initial shell that struck the steeple set the parish's bells to pealing. A second salvo knocked down the steeple and silenced the bells. The church was empty at the time.


After the fog burned off, the damage to the steeple of St. Polycarp in Kildecat became apparent.

Due to the heavy morning fog, the mobile artillery batteries could not obtain a good visual on the Bolidorean fleet. But the roar of cannon fire from the sea gave a general sense of direction, and all local batteries opened fire on coordinates relayed to them by radio. Spotters listened intently for the enemy guns, then directed the counter-fire to the location of their best estimate of the fleet. It is not known if any of the enemy vessels were struck.

By mid-to-late morning, breezes from the hills behind Korea City-Kildecat cleared the seashore villages of fog. In the brilliant sunshine, spectators gawked at the damaged steeple and marvelled at how no one ahore was harmed in the brief but savage bombardment.

Military authorities in Culcatta say that the Great Armada is under strict radio silence orders until they complete their current mission, but anticipate that when they return, one or both of the Navy's warships will be dispatched to find and sink the enemy fleet.

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An After Action Report

Post by Guest on April 18th 2013, 12:17 pm

Captain Faganschuni of the RANS Sea Lion sat in his cabin preparing his after action report. Having conversed with his navigator and gone over the ship's charts of the Bolidorean coast, they both felt that it was likely they were within the waters of the Bahia de Cabras. The navigator laid out a projected course to cross the bay to the coastal city of Playa Girón, estimating that they would arrive off the small village at daybreak.

While he was still unsure of the young man's sense of direction and the ship's location, true to his word, at daybreak, the Sea Lion had spotted signs of the town above the enveloping mist. The lookouts in the crow's nest atop the main mast had spotted the tip of a church steeple. And as the designated time came, and the tune "The Banana Boat Song" by Harry Belafonte failed to play on the short-wave radio channel used by Alunyan Broadcasting Corporation, he had had to assume that a state of war had been declared.

It would have been better to wage war against armed combatants at sea, but the dictates of war sometimes specify otherwise. He could only hope that civilians would take shelter at the sound of his cannons, and that the damage would be mainly to their livelihoods.

But these musings were not for his report. Four broadsides had been fired, and on the last the lookouts reported that the steeple had been knocked down. With no further targets in sight, the Sea Lion had set course back to sea, as Bolidorean artillery could be heard onshore, seeking out his command. He had the safety of his crew and vessel to consider, and prudence was the better course of action.

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GROSS Independency Federal Forces Set Off

Post by GROSS Independency on April 18th 2013, 6:34 pm

Because GROSS Independency officials have not yet received a reply from Alunya concerning their plans of action, GROSS Independency federal troops have been ordered to depart according to the previous plans specified by Augustus John Burvelous. With the 20,000 Triarius Guards and 50,000 imperial police being sent to Alunya, a number of trained lynx combat squads have been deployed to counter the ocelots being sent by Iloistan.
Two lynxes in combat training.

Augustus John Burvelous feels satisfied with the larger size and thicker skin of the lynx relative to ocelots. Lynx trainers and handlers also feel confident to expect good results from the lynxes in combat with ocelots. As a result, three trained lynxes will be assigned to every Llama Guard possible, for the purpose of defending the llama and the guard himself.

The GROSS Independency flagship, GIS Cataphract, has set sail with most of the nation's active fleets to rendezvous with the Alunyan Armada. The active fleets are under the command of Admiral Bernard W. Triton, a naval commander in the rebellion against the Ventei Sultan and a former Augustus of GROSS Independency. Triton agreed to serve the military one last time before he was finished.
The GIS Cataphract, a Nisean-class destroyer, is inspected by engineers before being launched above the farewells of a crowd of GROSS Independency citizens.

GROSS Independency forces hope to meet up with the Alunyan forces and officials soon to ensure the utmost safety of Alunya's citizens and soldiers.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Pharthan on April 18th 2013, 7:53 pm

PNV Last Centurion
Phalanx-class Battlecruiser

With complete disregard to Alunya's new 200 kilometers limit, the Last Centurion and her sister battlecruisers Badwolf and Stormageddon, along with an equal number of Templar class destroyers as escorts, with a Crusader-class Helicopter Destroyer to boot, skirted the 12nm line around Bolidor - so closely that their sailors could have - and did - throw rocks across it. The Last Centurion and her escorts were a picket line against Bolidorian invasion, and there was a likewise Alunyan-side picket being performed. They held knowledge of the entire airspace over Bolidor and Alunya with a fine 3D picture that was even spotting small birds quite accurately - everything within nearly 350 miles was under their scope accurately, and they could detect large objects for considerably further, though without an altitude figure.

The large battlecruisers were as far as Pharthan was willing to seem aggressive - they dared not call upon any of their few Warhorse-class dreadnoughts. The battlecruisers were borderline battleships anyway. With the ability to so blatantly wade through a naval battle without care, able to take numerous hits from anti-ship missiles, the Phalanx-class was enough of a declaration of "stop screwing around."
Likewise, four Pharthan Carrier Strike Groups and two Amphibious Assault Carrier groups had joined the SPEAR intermediating blockade, along with Destroyer Squadrons four, five, fifty and fifty-one, totaling and additional twenty-four destroyers and four helicopter destroyers. Five more battlecruisers bolstered the main force. The additional fifteen Legacy-class attack submarines and seven Mason-class Guided Missile submarines were just icing on the cake.
Nothing was getting by them.

Meanwhile, the Harmony and Kilroy submerged and diverted course. With this new development it couldn't be known how Iloistan would respond.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Kialga on April 18th 2013, 8:26 pm

Valen Citta, Kiagla--

Sgt. Oswald Thorstein was the last remaining in the Defense Office in Valen Citta. He glanced at his desk, resisting the urge to pull the bottle of Black Balsam from it and taking a drink. "A war over a cat, of all things," he wonders. He glances back at his desk, the urge growing stronger. As he reaches the desk, a knock comes at the door. He slams a fist into the desk, "Godamnit," he mutters under his breath. Then aloud, "Come in."

The man that enters the room is dressed in a black cloak with a gold symbol on it. "Who are you?" Sgt. Thorstein asks.

The man says nothing back. He walks up to the Defense Minister's desk, slides a folder across it, and turns to walk out. Thorstein watches as he walks out, and then turns his attention to the folder. Flipping it open, he glances at the image in front of him. Of a spider nonetheless. He shifts it and looks beneath. A letter is enclosed along with a card that simply has a phone number. The sergeant sighs, one drink won't kill him. He takes a seat, pulls out the bottle of Black Balsam, and reads the letter.

Image Sgt. Thorstein Revived of the "Ice Spiders:
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In response to increased Pharthanian activity

Post by Iloistan on April 18th 2013, 10:00 pm

*Meanwhile on comm link between Lords of Admirals of the 3rd(James Varen), 5th(Isaac Carver), 6th(Victor Hanis), and 8th(Ashtyn Makan) Fleets."

Varen: We have similar reports in our sector as well. It appears the Pharthanian Navy has settled in just outside Bolidors regional waters.
Carver: This could be trouble. After our accidental discovery of their submarine in the bay, they could be planning an attack.
Makan: Aside from their sub, I believe this could be good news. Spear might be finally taking affirmative action to prevent this war.
Hanis: I agree with Makan, I just received intel that Spear will continue to be neutral.
Carver: Well they should receive no trouble from are side as we are only here to defend and Bolidorean's don't even have a Navy to speak of.
Varen: I will notify Dekara after this meeting that we should lower our threat level back down to Tier 3 Alert.
Makan: The troops are defiantly not going to be happy about digging all those tunnels for nothing.
Hanis: I assume that "Tropic Thunder" and "end game" will also be cancelled in light of this. I was looking forward to seeing the F-86 Normandy in the field.
Varen: Now, what should we do about our find in the bay.
Carver: With our previous decisions in mind, I think we should just leave it there as it is currently causing no troubles.
Hanis, Makan: Agreed
Varen: This also raises the idea in my mind that they may also have teams inside of Bolidor, especially with recent reports of strange men being spotted. I think we should also notify Dekara of this. He may want to send the Strike Force to investigate.
Hanis: My informant inside of Spear has also notified me that they might have a team within Bolidor attempting to capture Rimshot. I think notifying Dekara is the best course of action.
Makan, Carver: Agreed.
Varen: I think that just about wraps this meeting up.
All: May our sovereignty live forever.

*End of comm link*


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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Fenburg on April 18th 2013, 11:33 pm

FENBURG ENTERS THE WAR, SORT OF...

From the office of the man known only as Acre
"Your anonymous-ness, please, I beg you to take a side in the Happy Cat War"
"Ugghh, war on the forum, again? You know I can't get involved in that, not after last time, they tried to make me to stop nuke-ing things! And we all know that's never gonna happen."
"Yes sire, but this time the rest of the international community seem to recognize that this is war is a joke war."
"Really now? This could be interesting then. Begin Opperation Goat-Man Apocalypse immediately."
"Opperation Goat-Man Apocalypse, sir?
"YES, Opperation Goat-Man Apocalypse! You know, the one where we release the 20,000,000(twenty million) bipedal, goat-men into the country-sides of our enemies."
"You haven't actually specified who our enemies are yet sir."
"Does it matter? Just put some goat-men in every country-side."
"There's one more problem sir."
"WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?!"
"How do we get the goat-men into the other countries?"
"I don't care, air-drop them, smuggle them through shipping containers, dehydrate them and then rehydrate them, use shepherding dogs if you have too, as long as it gets done."
"Will we ever launch a real attack in the future, sir?"
"Lets see how things play out a little bit more before we do anything too rash."


Professional cartoonists rendering of a typical goat-man attack
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

Post by Iloistan on April 19th 2013, 12:01 am

*Office of Iloistan Naval Affairs. Vice Admiral William Hackett and Grand Lord of Admirals Hayden Dekara.*

Dekara: Combat lynxes? Your Joking?!
Hackett: I'm afraid not sir, and they plan to deploy a significant number of them. 3 per Llama if my intel is correct.
Dekara: Well........How do our Ocelots stack up against them?
Hackett: Well there's the good news, quality beat quantity. If our reports are correct they are still atypical trained lynxes and have received no "augmentations". They also have the impression that that our Ocelots have received none.
Dekara: You had me worried there for a second. Basically your saying they're like guard dogs .
Hackett: Yes I believe so. Now, our Ocelots could be compared to say.... a super solider, having received mental realignment and performance enhancers that have greatly increased their mental and physical capacities. Plus they know how to operate guns.
Dekara: Good....Good
Hackett: Sir also take into account that when coupled with those damn Llama Guards, the lynxes could still pose a serious threat.
Dekara: Damn, anything else Bill?
Hackett: Yes there was one other thing, it may be nothing but we're beginning to hear rumors that Kiaga has well......Ice Spiders.
Dekara: What the .
Hackett: On the bright side I guess is that they are still neutral so even if the do have these things, it may not matter yet.
Dekara: My day just keeps getting better, is that all Bill.
Hackett: Yes sir.
Dekara: Just remembered, contact the Strike Force and send them to the last known sighting of the supposed insurgents in Bolidor.
Hackett: It will be done.
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Re: The HAPPY CAT War

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