A mole, a mob and a president

Transcript of the official video introduction of the Federal Republic of Herodas, taken from the official website www.gov.introduction.fr-herodas.frh from March 18th, 2013.
(The black of the screen changes to the sight of three men, all three older, all three clad in black suits with white shirts and ties in different colours. Behind them is a gigantic wall of bookshelves and in a corner the proud flag of the Federal Republic of Herodas. The middle man begins to speak:)
"Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,
If you would allow me to introduce us three first: To my right side is Sevastianos Triantafyllidis, Head of the Bouleuomai. To my left Themistocles Zahariadis, the Chancellor and a Social Democrat." (Both men nod with a smile as they are introduced, in case of Triantafyllidis it seems a little bit forced, just like if he doesn't like to be where he is.)
"You may ask yourselves: 'Who is this good looking, elder man, who is galantly sitting in this nice chair and...'"
(Zahariadis disrupts:) "To make it short, he is the President, Panagis Maximos. And yes, he is a little bit self-loving." (Silence for some seconds as the other two men stare at him.) "Somebody had to say it or we would be sitting here until nightfall in a week!"
"Well, he is not that wrong." (Triantafyllidis doesn't seem to comfortable.) "But anyway, maybe we should do for what we came here, shouldn't we?" (The other two nod.) "And what is this? To introduce ourselves and mainly to introduce our nation!"
(Maximos nods.) "That's right, Sevastianos. We three are the Heads of the Government, the most important persons in the state - with one exception: The people, demos. We cherish the name of our proud country, the Federal Republic of Herodas, it's beautiful landscape, the nice food, the wine and the beer, the armoured vehicles, they all are something we like to show to the world.
The Athene Noctua, an old symbol for the Goddess of Freedom and Wisdom, both things we love, both things we defend - those, who try to steal that from us, will be in mighty trouble, because we all, from the Liberals over the Social Democrats, the Conservatives, to the left and to the green tree-huggers, we all will defend it."
(Triantafyllidis takes over as he sees tears glistering in the eyes of his president:) "Those who would like to learn and to share knowledge are always welcomed, as well as those who are willing to work. And if one of our cherished friends is in trouble, we help them - without any hesitation.
Our country is safe, our streets clean, our hearts pure..."
"...more or less, at least..."
"...and our will to do bring our nation forward, to make it a good place, is not shakeable."
(Zahariadis continues:) "You see, a wise man long ago said: 'Progress is Life, therefore Freedom is Life.' We believe in it. You may now get the idea."
(Silence follows.)
"So."
"Yes."
"Yep."
"Agreed..." (The president looks to his two companions, then back to the camera.) "Well, that leaves only one thing: We extend our arms to our friends, to our sisters and brothers in freedom, to the other members of the International Western Union. Visit us, be welcomed! We would love to see each and everyone of you!"
(During his words, the National Anthem silently began to play, and now comes to full blast as selected images from all around the country flash over the screen, long enough to be watched - there are playing childrens, a playing orchestra, construction workers, a little restaurant, to lovers kissing in New Year's Day, a young couple with a bunch of kids walking in the landscape, the Bouleuomai in an argument, a lecture hall filled with young people, wine, a great party, some fishermen, soldiers hoisting the flag on the Great Fortress, boyscouts and girlscouts dancing, and many other pictures, finishing with the banner high in the wind over the wide vast ocean.
The video ends.)

Hiya, Sevastianos Triantafyllidis, Themistocles Zahariadis and Panagis Maximos of the Federal Republic of Herodas!

That is one touching piece of propaganda! I'm going to have to consult with my Chief of the Secret Police and see if we can come up with something so patriotic. Great job!

We're a little reluctant about the "sharing knowledge" bit though. My late brother Adolpho and I would frequently share knowledge at the end of some clenched fists, and it kind of hurt after a while.

One of our wise men once said, "As frogs say, 'Time is fun when you're having flies.'" Alright, maybe he wasn't so wise...

We too look forward to a visit. Maybe you all would enjoy a glass of banana wine, or a mug of frothy banana beer.

Anyway, have a banana.

Alphonse Simms, El Presidente of the Republic of Bolidor

Dear Mister Simms,
We highly thank you for the banana, it was very yummy (for me at least, the other two douchebags didn't get a piece! - ST), and we highly thank you for your praise of our introduction video. You see, we love our country, and we want to bring this love out to the people of the world.

Sharing knowledge is one of our most important occupations, may it be as a journalist, as a teacher or as a trainer. From all three, we have many to share. Most of them are more then skilled with their fists, if that is important, and as a wise woman from our beloved country once pointed out: "[...]they will survive, because they aren't made or trained to offer their lifes on the altar of freedom. They are made and trained to let the other bastard die."
This woman was Field Marshal Sanja Salta, Chief of the Federal General Staff and therefore highest soldier in our country (And her daughter is smoking hot, I tell you, buddy! - PM; Sadly, she is also CO of the Presidential Guard Regiment and therefore off limits, perverts! - FMS).
As for sharing knowledge of how to make such a good impression, the woman behind the idea stands ready to be send on a diplomatic mission to teach you and your experts in the corresponding techniques (She is also smoking hot, buddy! - PM; This country is full of smoking hot women... - TZ).
We also have experts for agriculture standing shovel at foot to learn from your people and maybe teach them a trick or two - if you want, of course!

We three, as well as many other men and women in Herodas, would really love to pay you a visit, especially since you don't seem to take matters all that serious, just like we love it!
Of course, you and your people are also invited to come to Herodas, to visit, to relax, maybe to learn, maybe to get one of our smoking hot women or - in case you bring female personell with you - our strong and brave men... you get the picture.

Sincerely,
Panagis Maximos, President of the Federal Republic of Herodas
Themistocles Zahariadis, Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Herodas
Sevastianos Triantafyllidis, Head of the Bouleuomai

Dictated to Miss Cecilia Kalogeropoulou, Head-Secretary of the President
Proofread by Field Marshal Sanja Salta, Chief of the Federal General Staff